Immobilized

[LedZeppelin173]

hey ppl, this is one of the songs i wrote and i thought id post it and see what you guys think of it. enjoy...


IMMOBILIZED

Frozen solid, stuck into time
how did I fall for this?
You gotta help me, I need someone
so I can get going again
You see this as moving
I see it as standing still
Help free me out of this,
I know you're gonna leave me here

Did I lose my freakin mind?
maybe physics have gone completly wrong
Now it's three days gone by
and I'm bound against my will
Tell me what's the deal
there's nothing I can do
Somehow I've been immobilized
and I blame it on you

Someday, I'm gonna kick your ***
because you did absolutely nothing
Whatever the reason, you'll be sorry
I will show no sympathy
But I've been here for awhile
so I'll give you a start to run
Or how about I take you now?
so then you will become immobilized.

I'm free now,
Free to kick your ***...

[The Digital Pimp]

I would like to see some more details... a trap that people fall in sometimes is referring to events as "this" and "that", referring to people as "you", trying to make the song appeal to a wider audience by being vague. Here the song focuses on the straight anger, rather than the cause of it.

I would fill in the lines with events rather than emotion, since you've already got a fair share of it in there. Tell us why you want to kick this persons butt so much. Like instead of just

"because you did absolutely nothing"

tell us what happened...

"because you did absolutely nothing when..."

Keep at it :)