Butt Hurt (and that's not a gay joke)

[POOSTAIN]

This is a song I wrote about a friend of mine and my dad. I wrote it yesterday and finished the music today. It's a semi-serious accoustic punk song with an extremely Green Day solo. Some would call it "poppy" or "stupid", but f*ck those people.


Sometimes you feel like life lasts forever
like you got a bad rash that won't go away,
It's just so hard to keep sh*t together
in a world so stupid and gay.
But when you try to stretch out the feeling
so you have an excuse for being a prick,
Now I want back the time you've been stealing
cuz I know that you're full of sh*t.

(Chorus)
It was months ago,
It's all what I've heard,
I just wanna know,
Why are you so Butt Hurt?

I hear you start so I just keep walking
and I try to pretend you're not even there,
I don't understand why you keep on talking
can't you tell that I really don't care?
You're selfish self-centered and so egocentric
I'm surprised that your windows aren't mirrors instead,
I try to explain but you won't accept it
cuz you've got a big f*cken' thick head.

(Chorus)

(SOLO)

(Chorus)(2x)

[sparkylp2002]

Since you crit mine ill crit this.

First suggestion change the title.

Sometimes you feel like life lasts forever
like you got a bad rash that won't go away,
It's just so hard to keep sh*t together
in a world so stupid and gay.
But when you try to stretch out the feeling
so you have an excuse for being a prick,
Now I want back the time you've been stealing
cuz I know that you're full of sh*t.

First off i dont like cussing in songs, very few people can use cussing well in my opinion. This is a good opening, and you do get your point across here. There are is a line that is really not needed which is "like you got a bad rash that won't go away,". I suggest that you take that line out right there. Also change the line "in a world so stupid and gay" it just doesnt sound right.

(Chorus)
It was months ago,
It's all what I've heard,
I just wanna know,
Why are you so Butt Hurt?

I'm not fond of this chorus. It is really weak. And the last line doesnt make much sense with the "Butt Hurt?" part of it. I suggest you scrap the chorus and rewrite a new one.

I hear you start so I just keep walking
and I try to pretend you're not even there,
I don't understand why you keep on talking
can't you tell that I really don't care?
You're selfish self-centered and so egocentric
I'm surprised that your windows aren't mirrors instead,
I try to explain but you won't accept it
cuz you've got a big f*cken' thick head.

Once again the thing with cussing, I dont like it. The line "I'm surprised that your windows aren't mirrors instead," seems really unneeded here. This verse doesnt flow well when i read it here. You need to rephrase most of this verse. Thats about all i really have to say here.

Overall
You have quite a bit of work to do on this piece, in my opinion. This piece just seemed kinda weak here. It can be fixed up though, it does have some potential if you make the changes that i pointed out. There were probaly other things that should be fixed but i havent catched them yet. Hope this crit helps. 4/10

[jurialmunkey]

It sounds like what would be produced if Staind turned into a pop-punk band. :rolleyes:

[Silverhammer]

but f*ck those people

:confused:

:lol:

anyway, lets see here

Sometimes you feel like life lasts forever
like you got a bad rash that won't go away,

hmm, the first line is good but the second needs work. this might have a better flow:

"sometimes you like feel life lasts forever
like a bridge that wont give way"

It's just so hard to keep sh*t together
in a world so stupid and gay.

again the first line is good but the second needs work take out "stupid" and rewrite the whole line.

But when you try to stretch out the feeling
so you have an excuse for being a prick,

don't really follow that second line. if you use "but when" don't use so b/c it sounds like an incomplete idea.

Now I want back the time you've been stealing
cuz I know that you're full of sh*t.

i'm not a big fan and i'm not fond of cursing but, hey, it works.

(Chorus)
It was months ago,
It's all what I've heard,
I just wanna know,
Why are you so Butt Hurt?

oh man, you need to work on this to have it make sense. what in the world does "butt hurt" mean?

I hear you start so I just keep walking
and I try to pretend you're not even there
I don't understand why you keep on talking
can't you tell that I really don't care?

it's good just needs some polishing. You can try this:

"i hear you start up, but i keep on walking
and try to pretend that you're not there
i don't understand why you keep talking
can't you see that i really don't care"

You're selfish self-centered and so egocentric
I'm surprised that your windows aren't mirrors instead,
I try to explain but you won't accept it
cuz you've got a big f*cken' thick head.

ouch, you have an idea which is good, but polish it up. the first line sort of sounds alright just that the words are to large and when spoken sound rushed, in a bad way. and the window thing is good keep it. most defiantly lose the last line and put something more insulting in there, it sounds like you're just calling them a big poo poo head.

"you're selfish, self-centered like all the rest
i'm surprised that your windows aren't mirrors instead
my interest in you has greatly digressed
i've had it with you i wish you were dead"

overall i'll give this a 3.8/10 not that good but with a little of polishing it can be ready for MTV :thumb:

[POOSTAIN]

I'm sure if you had read the opening paragraph you would have realized that this is not a serious song and almost all the lines you people are picking are were added for a slightly comedic effect. I guess that didn't come across. By the way, Butt Hurt is a way of saying someone just won't get over something that happened to them. Like if somebody ripped off by a vending machine and they go around telling everybody for the rest of the week, they are being butt hurt about it.