felt like travelling.

[burton.and.gas]

he lives in two places,
he like them both,
has friends at both ends,
easy come and easy go.

he's told things,
told he's a disgrace,
told he doesn't fit,
but some people,
dont listen to what they're told.

now where?
where is he?
where did he go?
he lives in a third place,
because he felt like travelling.

he rebels,
he fights,
he reads,
he looks on.

not everyone likes him,
not everyone loathes him,
but he just doesn't want to fit,
so he just travels.

sometimes,
when you meet his eyes,
he won't want to leave,
but he still won't stay.

he is full of purpose,
he purposefully
chooses not to know,
but he picks a direction,
and he travels.

just don't make your mind up,
there is no god so relax,
you do't need to impress anyone,
maybe if you do you should travel.

and when he says this,
as his eyes meet with yours,
you won't understand,
but he won't need you to,
because you won't forget him.

END

well that's it erm the song is kind of like my situation becasue i literally live in two places, but i don't know i just like the ideas i put in here so it aint totally personal. crit away!

[Devilinferno2]

This piece focuses on the title quite well, and doesn't fade away to other ideas or topics, you kept on track, that's good.

for the first verse, "easy going" seems out of place. add some, or change some.

Quite a good piece, nothing much i can say. 65%

[thedeadwalk!]

some of the things in here i find debatable, but a good concept and better than the countless metaphorical heart breaks around here. some of the verses seemed similar in content and could be combined. also, the smallness of the lines could benefit from elaboration. i think if you focus in more on these generalities it will mean more.

[The Digital Pimp]

I like the third person narrative, it could be taken that you're singing about someone else, when really the song is about you. It's as though you're stepping out of your own life for a second and evaluating it from someone elses point of view.

"he live in a third place," you mean 'lives' correct?

"you do't need to impress anyone,
maybe if you do you should travel."

I like this line, it's the moral of the story. That and the final verse are the climax of the piece which I think should be focused on musically to bring out their meaning.

As for the short lines, sing them longer and with emotion :P

[burton.and.gas]

well teh song isn't really just about me its partly about me i guess all songs are about the person writing them really but i usually try and avoid it. this time i let myself get a bit more obvious.

[factor46]

hmm. it's a good song, its got a good storyline behind it. but the wording seems a little too basic, as if you really are telling a story. that just doesn't appeal to me in songs. i remember reading some of your other songs in the past, and to be honest, theyre better than this in my opinion. my suggestion to you is to maybe add some descriptive wording here and there, and correct the grammer errors. it is actually a good song though. just needs some touch-ups. :D 6.8/10


could you crit my new song?
http://musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=284781
-thanks.

[burton.and.gas]

anyone else want to crit dis? i will cirt any songs poasted here.