Just a bit

[SethMcBride]

This is just a bit of something I wrote... I apologize for putting a bit of a song and not a full song but can you just tell me how its going and if I should enhance on it or move on.. thanks for your time. peace

you have the eyes of a demon
but you're so warm inside
theres a flame in between us
and through the smoke you hide

where are you from
cause you look so fimilar
I've seen your devil red lips
and I've tasted your blood ridden kiss

[Devilinferno2]

you have the eyes of a demon
but you're so warm inside
theres a flame in between us
and through the smoke you hide

in this, the 2nd line is the most out of place, if you want it badly you can keep it, but i think you should change it.

where are you from
cause you look so fimilar
I've seen your devil red lips
and I've tasted your blood ridden kiss

Same thing, 2nd line again, breaks the flow.

Decide, you want it to feel "dark", or "normal." and write along those lines
i don't mean you can't mix dark and normal, you can, but it'd take alot skill and time.

[The Digital Pimp]

Unless you're going for the oxymoron, demon's aren't generally warm inside... (line 2)

Keep up the devil/dark imagery I think... post again when you have the rest.