Hell

[DCsicass]

Untitled unnoticed undecided in everything
Untitled unnoticed undecided in me
Misunderstood misjudged and misused so may times
pushed away thrown aside and Abused
Treated like s h i t chewed up and spit out
Confused misleading and good at lying
Untrusting not right in the head this is why they have there doubts
Leave me to my self now
cause every thing they did they thought that was help
Pain and confusion are what I see
a s s holes and sluts think what’s best for me
I hate this place
I hate this time
I hate everything
I hate this life
I tried to hide it
I did it so well
I took my time
I live in hell
Suffer, suffer this is quicker
Suffer, suffer this is better
Alone is easy don’t have to worry
No one to think about no one to be my jury
The pain, the thoughts
The agony that the truth brought
The dose of reality when it kicks you in the face
The painful screams that melt into your brain
The hurting worlds of every fight
The nightmares that I have before I fall asleep at night
Rocking back and forth makes it seem to ease the fright
I hate this place
I hate this time
I hate everything
I hate this life
I tried to hide it
I did it so well
I took my time
I live in hell
Afraid and stunned
Afraid to run
Away to a safer place
Just afraid to leave a familiar face
Afraid to be alone but don’t want to have people around
Too confusing someone help just take me out
Take me down like they have done before
Ease my mind with some lies
Take abuse of the trust
Take control with some lust
If you want to f u c k with someone’s life these are all a definite must
I hate this place
I hate this time
I hate everything
I hate this life
I tried to hide it
I did it so well
I took my time
I live in hell

[mixmasta91]

not too bad, work on the intro part though

[burton.and.gas]

hey not bad! i feel alot of hatred here! its very cool, you a slipknot fan? or are you a hatebreed fan it reminds me of those twpo for some reason. well the song has cool imagery and it shows someon's personal view of what hell is? cos if that's what your trying to do then you have managed to do it very well. its a godo song and i woudl also say wokr on the intro make it less self-pitying (no offense) cos teh rest of the song is quite powerful.

[Shtein]

I wish i could writ elyrics like that

[Shtein]

lyrics

[DCsicass]

thank you for you thoughts and yes i will work on the intro. it is kinda dumb... slip knot hate bread all of that music. its strange but i was listening to Seether and this song started poping up in my head then i just went with it and scared my guitar player

[ABulldog]

Sounds like your life sucks... too bad

[DCsicass]

sometimes life just sux might as well make music about it...

[morrissey]

ick. That word sums up my feelings of this song. Your song is way too structured, just looking at it hurts my eyes. I understand that some people can dig these type of writing, but for me it is overdone, and quite frankly boring. Sure your life sucks, it is normal. But try to take an slighty original stance on the topic, because when I see things like this, my cursor gravitates to the back button. You don't want to do that to your reader. Attract me to your song, don't make me want to leave.

I would start with a change in the repetitiveness. It probably works fine musically, but I only have the lyrics to go by. It looks very bland and restrictive, and bores me. I could bitch about the topic, but I doubt you will be changing that.

Just stay away from overused lines, because readers/listeners have become desensitized to them. When you hear "I hate this place/I hate this time blah blah blah", you stop connecting with the meaning, because it is so overused. You want your reader to have an emotional connection to the song, and generic words aren't going to help your goal.

Overall 3/10, I'm being harsh tonight. Based on personal taste (like whether I would listen to it or not), I would give it a 1. Not that that matters, but I'm just letting you know. Lyrically it really does merit a 3.

[DCsicass]

thank ya morrissey, you opened up my eyes a little. i can see where you are coming from with that. and off the subject how did you get away with typing B I T C H without having to space them out.

[morrissey]

you just type it. Bitch isn't censored.

[DCsicass]

what??????????????? god **** bitch **** let me see here
but D A M N is??????????????? who is running the fcc on here they are retarded

[morrissey]

**** damn **** etc.

quote me

[DCsicass]

i don't get it but whatever i hate F U C K I N censorshi t

[morrissey]

quote my post (reply button), and see the code.

**** damn **** etc.