why cant you (first song crit please)

[Nicktf69]

first song so please crit

intro- lite strumming to begin song acoustic

verse- This feeling
comes over me
I cant rely
on you

i've spent many years
trying to

Why cant you

I've tried many times
but it shows up in the end

I cant rely on you
thats just the
way it is


chorus- why cant you
why cant you
be the way
i want you to be x2

verse- we've tried
many times
it doesnt work out

you've said to me
im going my seperate way
its only for the best
you'll see it in the end

what its for
what its for

chorus- x2

outro- lire strumming out

[mixmasta91]

umm i dnt like it, it really dnt rym, still dnt know how ur gonna sing it, the chorus cud be good, but get more powerful thought out verse's

[Shtein]

its kind of sound whimpy or a whiny song
i agree that the corus could be deep but dig deep into ur feelings

[Nicktf69]

thanx for the crits i will take them into perspective