"Wretched System"

[Devilinferno2]

"Wretched System"

Sinster grins
cover the tyranny
detrimental lies!
undetected with apathy
the baneful system
enslaves us all
subjugating innocent victims
destroying their lives.

A regal system of imitation
was told to people of importance
their minds are now corrupt -
a nefarious thinking
only the system can bring success
and a stable life "to who? "

the masses rejoices to the new order
but the manifested lie in disdain
the dark days are bout to come
all they’ve worked for would be in vain!

i pity those who trust the system
they would discern only at the end
the victory is but a phantom.

they lie!
the tongue is ruinous and misleading.
the atrocious system represent pale
not many smell the malodorous stench,
the others are blinded and manipulated

[Christheshrineguitarist]

hmmm

[Sword2020]

good, excellent, great, I love it. I can see my band doing this song, which will make me biased since it's in my genre. well, really this could be in many different genres, which is one thing that makes it so good. I love the no chorus thing, it sets it apart. You know, it could be improved, as could everything, but if I wrote it I wouldn't change it much, just a little if it needed help fitting music, though I'm not saying that it will.

[DCsicass]

the masses rejoices to the new order
but the manifested lie in disdain
the dark days are bout to come
all they’ve worked for would be in vain!

a great couple lines here and all in all a great song, great job and yes the system doesn suck.... I can rob a bank and not kill anyone and go to jail for 20 years....i could kill a person and only go away for 10....hmmmmm makes no sense

[Devilinferno2]

good, excellent, great, I love it. I can see my band doing this song, which will make me biased since it's in my genre. well, really this could be in many different genres, which is one thing that makes it so good. I love the no chorus thing, it sets it apart. You know, it could be improved, as could everything, but if I wrote it I wouldn't change it much, just a little if it needed help fitting music, though I'm not saying that it will.


What's your genre? hardcore punk?

[LiZZySkYnRd7^]

Definitely gets the "corrupt government" point across. They lie, we are sheep....etc., asks the right questions, who is it right for? Honestly, I've seen it done so many times...but you succeed in breathing fresh life into it.

I like this line: they would discern only at the end
the victory is but a phantom.

Not crazy about this one: the others are blinded and manipulated..

Thought it could be more powerful for an end.
You have good language skills.

I am a horrible critic.

Ohh.....edited to say.........I dont like giving a score but I will adhere, ..7/10

[Devilinferno2]

thanks. yeah. i wrote this when i was really anti-any-government-or-system on earth. not really an anarchist, but just don't like all the rubbish the world is churning out.

thanks for the comennt "breath fresh life into". that's really a compliment.

[Sword2020]

Sorta post-punk, punk not really hardcore, but it could be (your song, that is).