(Untitled!) Need A Title

[solidsnake3725]

Hey. i need a title for this song. also i would like to expand on it. anyone got any ideas? here it is:

Whats the point of living,
If we're all gonna die
Why are we always giving,
If what we give makes us cry

This trust i heed
And i give to you
Brings back the old days
In which i shared with you.

hoped u liked it, but it needs more, can someone help me?

[italic zero]

I really like the 3rd and 4th lines. The first two just seem like the existential crisis that teenagers go through, and not stated in a new way. There is much to be said with being open and straightforward with your lyrics, and I think that's something you should cultivate, but it doesn't work with such an overdone subject. The second stanza is awkward. I'm not sure I understand why you're heeding this trust, anyway. It seems like anything that you're giving to someone you care about is something that you heed. Anyway, the wording of it is awkard, I'd put it either as "I heed this trust," or "This trust, I heed." The next line is a similar thing, it should either be "And I give it to you," or "And give to you." The last line is similarly strangely worded. Days aren't usually shared in, rather, they're usually shared with. In another direction, you could expand on this kind of slightly awkward and unorthodox wording, if you'd like. If you make that kind of wording a recurrent thing throughout the song it could be a powerful and original device.

As for expansion, I really can't give you explicit ideas. All I'll say is that you shouldn't come up with new and seemingly unconnected ideas. Try to explain it more, even until it seems stupid, and from there cut out filler language.

EDIT: I like the title 'This Trust' even though it's a pun of sorts (say it fast) :upset:

[solidsnake3725]

lol, thanks man

[UnDeRoAtHfAn777]

Ok, I agree with italic zero on the first line being horribly overdone. It's not a bad topic if you aproach it in a more creative way than has already been done. I think in the second line instead of "what we give makes us cry", you should put "when we give it makes us cry". The way you word it, it implies that the thing we are giving is what makes us cry, and that would be a contradiction b/c if you are giving away something that makes you cry, it won't make you cry(if that made sense.) "This Trust" sounds like a good name.

[mixmasta91]

definetly make that second part the chorus, and this trust is good, i like it

[Shtein]

The first to lines in the song are kind of like all the other gay songs that are out there try not to use that life and death s*** to much I really like the last part it deep man really deep. finish writing the song and add a chorus that has meaning to the rest of ur song
and the name this trust i cool

[Syncratic]

I like the title 'This Trust' as well.....you coul expand by delving deeper into what you're writing about.....write another verse about why you feel this way and/or what led you to do whatever...

[slpntrx5]

if you could maybe tell us what this song is about, then we might be better at giving u a title for it. but ive got a title how about "**** you all" ?

[LedZeppelin173]

^^^^dude, this song can mean anything you want. thats what writing lyrics is...^^^^

'This Trust' sounds like a good title, but if you want more, you should leave it at that. if you come up with more lines that fit the song, write them down ASAP and add them to the song. lookin good man