First Song

[FenderStrats44]

here is my first try at a song tell me what u think and i will look at yours


I KNOW

chorus
they call me ignorant
and so should you
i know what i feel
i know that its true
i know that im in love with you.


i may be young
i know im shy
i know i cant have you
so i'll just lie

no i dont love you
no i dont care
well i know i do
but lifes unfair

so i just sit here
watch the time slip by
watch you get your heart broken
and come to me and cry

chorus x2
whenever you need me
ill be here to laugh with you
or wipe a tear
when you need a friend ill be near

cant tell you anymore
for the chances i take
cant put our friendship
on edge and watch it break.

[Devilinferno2]

chorus
they call me ignorant
and so should you
i know what i feel
i know that its true
i know that im in love with you.

You don't need to repeat the "i know's". and "that"

EG.
"I know what i feel,
That its true,
I'm in love with you."


i may be young
i know im shy
i know i cant have you
so i'll just lie

Same thing, omit the 2nd "i know" and replace it with "and"

no i dont love you
no i dont care
well i know i do
but lifes unfair

Nothing much here, the second repetition of "no i don't" seems perfectly fine. i'd leave it as that.

so i just sit here
watch the time slip by
watch you get your heart broken
and come to me and cry

Woah, haha, that's good, you potrayed much emotion well.

chorus x2
whenever you need me
ill be here to laugh with you
or wipe a tear
when you need a friend ill be near

Another great chorus.

cant tell you anymore
for the chances i take
cant put our friendship
on edge and watch it break.

Same thing.

Overall, Great first song, the first few verses are so-so, but the last 3 really brings out the emotions in the song. Good attempt. I'd like to see more of your work.

[FenderStrats44]

thanks man for the tips im working on a new song now