advice.

[burton.and.gas]

ignore conversations,
that lead to dusk,
preach arguments,
that lead to days.

refuse to end,
live incriminated,
don't wait,
just go and go.

welcome here,
walled in,
waiting for it to end,
i already told you not to wait.

the wall is listening,
the window watching,
the chair is hearing,
now look up.

dont tread on the tree's roots,
keep looking till you find out what to follow,
dont die until you drown,
dont sleep till you have woken up.

join the circus,
write a story,
annoy business men,
sing songs that dont rhyme.

run away,
to another country,
or to another world,
dont come back there's nothing here.

i offer you,
my final words,
i say now you should go and,
and learn to give away that which is here.

[Devilinferno2]

ignore conversations,
that lead to dusk,
preach arguments,
that lead to days.

Too straightfoward. "Dusk" and "days" are almost directly opposite. Use another word for either "dusk" or "days". Other than that i like the idea and the way its written. 7/10


refuse to end,
live incriminated,
don't wait,
just go and go.

Great till the last line. "Just go and go" seems a little out of place. Use a word to describe "go", like perpertual, or continual, or something else. 7/10

welcome here,
walled in,
waiting for it to end,
i already told you not to wait.

No comments. 6/10


the wall is listening,
the window watching,
the chair is hearing,
now look up.

I like the idea, but it's expressed in such a way that..well. It seems rushed, not too much effort being put, feels like you just chose random furniture and placed "hearing" "watching" etc into it. Put some more thought and effort and detail into this. Good idea though. 7/10

dont tread on the tree's roots,
keep looking till you find out what to follow,
dont die until you drown,
dont sleep till you have woken up.

No comments. 7/10


join the circus,
write a story,
annoy businessmen,
sing songs that dont rhyme.

This part here doesn't fit with the whole song. and i don't quite understand what is being potrayed here. 6/10

run away,
to another country,
or to another world,
dont come back there's nothing here.

Simple, straightfoward. 6/10

i offer you,
my final words,
i say now you should go and,
and learn to give away that which is here.

No comments. 6/10

Well, most of the song is short and simple, with some descriptions and all. Its a good piece, i must say, just take note of the stuff i've commented on each individual verse.

Around 65%. or 6.5/10.

[italic zero]

Try to switch up punctuation and structure. You don't need a comma at the end of each line, a period at the end of each stanza (there are also other punctuation marks in the english language), and stanzas do not have to be 4 lines long. It also needs a common thread, the cryptic thing doesn't work here, it ends up being monotonous. Mostly it needs to be broken up differently, though. The type of anecdotes you're trying to convey lose power when they are used en masse. Vary the content, structure, and punctuation.