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levi_bassist
12-28-2004, 11:32 AM
Winter, summer, autumn, spring,
Love is such a thickle thing,
You love someone,
You love someday,
The feelings you have
They never go away,
They stay with you,
Life or death,
They are with you
In every breathe,
Take the time now,
To think about things,
Imagine when you’re an angel,
You’ll fly with wings,
You’ll have no worries,
Have no regrets,
You’ll be away from everything,
Away from the threats,
Of life and love,
Of death and despair,
When you’re there,
You’ll still never forget,
What a wonderful life,
Never regret
Your love or your life,
Your husband or wife,
Cause life is to short,
Just to sit and think…

levi_bassist
12-28-2004, 11:32 AM
a poem i wrote a while ago, let me know what you all think please

Devilinferno2
12-28-2004, 07:33 PM
was good until

Your love or your life,
Your husband or wife,
Cause life is to short,
Just to sit and think…

Throughout the entire song, it hasn't been very "personal" or "close" to home, this part changed it all..especially the "husband and wife part" and "love or your life".

You should have ended it with something "hanging" or "mysterious"

limemachine
12-28-2004, 09:04 PM
I know this isn't a song like the one before, it's a poem but. I'm pretty sure you're only allowed to post one song/poem a day. Just remember for next time

SarcasticVirtue
12-28-2004, 09:07 PM
Not too bad, just go through and work on your syllables and change some words around that you think would sound better.

Doughnut
12-29-2004, 11:58 AM
thickle isnt a word...unless im misunderstood, and if u mean breath which i think u do, then its 'breath' not 'breathe'

UnDeRoAtHfAn777
12-29-2004, 01:01 PM
The title doesn't really fit the song. You mention the four seasons at the beginning but they don't really come to play later in the song. It's like you only had them there to have something to rhyme with "thing." It has alot more to do with love than anything else. Not too bad though. 6.5/10

levi_bassist
12-29-2004, 06:38 PM
i like my titles not to reflect the whole poem, makes it more interesting if it has a catchy title about the start so u'l want to read on