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on the verge of happiness
12-25-2004, 12:39 AM
The World is Falling

Time flies by as it passes slowly
Through oblivion and eternity.
Insane and deprressed lifestyles become welcome
as the world grows over the centuries.
More casual crimes and sins done in spite
of hatred of each others' communities.
The best way to prevent this future is to cease the violence
and re-establish our population's priorities.

Crit please?

on the verge of happiness
12-26-2004, 01:17 PM
:(..

IOWNU200
12-26-2004, 01:23 PM
there isn't enough. It's too short to make a big point. I think it would be more effective if you went more in depth to the specific problems. Possibly story tell it or maybe explain all the problems an why they affect the world and what not. This is alright, but you need more. For an example, you can check mine out:
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=282151

Silverhammer
12-26-2004, 03:57 PM
that would make a good chorus. what you need to do , as IOWNU200 stated, is to story tell how the world is falling, how the priorities of the world are gone and how someone would rather make a buck by destroying our society than to just simply care about the lives of others. so take more time to put this together and then post it up with the added material and then more critiquing can commence.

amzharpyro
12-26-2004, 06:59 PM
I think it's a weeee bit short.

ThrashHead
12-26-2004, 10:44 PM
Well, I thought it was pretty good. That song would make a good quick angsty thrash song.