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formchaos
12-23-2004, 03:13 PM
ok, this is just a start. please put in yoru opinion, thanks.


I was encaged in a 6 sided box
Thoguth I was safe untill I saw the hand
I was stolen and tormented just for laughs
After awhile things got worse and
I tried escape. I tried to run.
Got as far as i could then met up with you
But I felt so unclean, yet so gullable
Thought I could trust you but I
Should of thought better

shadowsfallon711
12-23-2004, 03:48 PM
this sounds more like a poem than a song is that what you were goin for if its a song work on it more change up the hole thing it doesnt flow it all

formchaos
12-23-2004, 04:59 PM
alright, thanks

cowslick
12-23-2004, 05:02 PM
im thinkin you need to think about syllabic rhythm..