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cowslick
12-23-2004, 07:15 AM
So yea its been a while... Anyways i wrote this song the other day for a friend who has family troubles, well we all do really dont we? This is kind of country-esque song, dont get much of that around here do we? Well im really posting this to show that some of the best depressing songs actually aren't about suicide or rubbish emo riffs (depressing as they are)... here we go...

On a side note: the chords for the verses are G7, Bm, F#7, D
and the chorus (at the end) is E and A

Lets pretend

Lets pretend
Everythings all right
And everything will work out
in the end

Lets pretend
There's nothing going on
And everthing will work out
after all

Lets pretend
Its only you and me
And nothing else matters

Lets pretend
Everythings ok
and everything will work out
someday

Lets Pretend
There's nothing going wrong
Every thing is good
And not my fault

Its not my fault
But why do i get the blame
And then pretend
Everything's ok
I'll hide and cry
Somewhere far away
If anyone asks me
I feel fine
Lets pretend
Just for one day
All of our troubles flew away
Lets pretend



so what do you guys think?? simple lyrics but effective (i think)

lord of darkness
12-23-2004, 11:08 AM
well most people here will surely tell you there's to much repetition of the "lets pretend" also your verses are quite short according to me and when we read the song, we can't know what your talking about it just sounds like a bunch of sentences coming from nowhere, there's no real structure, no metaphors... pretty empty of meaning to me, one last thing never say what style it will be at first or what you thought when writting your song, because it takes away the chance of the readers to guess it and to think about it, also those who dislike country song(like me) will just won't bother to read that's probably why you haven't got post up to now

oh and by the way, could you please crit my song "the reign of darkness" :) I think it's on the second page right now

cowslick
12-23-2004, 11:55 AM
the name of your song is terrible

i dont consider that much of a crit because actually there are no metaphors because it doesnt need them, its just a very simple song... and im willing to bet you like some country-ish songs if you consider yourself a song writer, bob dylan maybe?.....

lets pretend is epic... i recorded a version today, but its stuck on my minidisc, so i shall post when i get it onto the computer

shadowsfallon711
12-23-2004, 12:00 PM
this songs verses all repeat themselves using different words this is a very forced song just write what comes to you. the last is better but still stuck on the despair feeling.
crit mine if you would like Flashlight

cowslick
12-23-2004, 04:19 PM
meh, i think its good... hopefully you will see it differently when i post some audio... i shall look inot your song