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View Full Version : I Can't Lie - for crit


Teri Jo
12-21-2004, 01:37 PM
Okay, I think I mentioned about 80 times or so that my genre is Kind of a folk/rock sorta thing. If you think Jewel - that sort of song (no not comparing myself to those songs only the genre LOL)

I Can't Lie

I could pretend that I am happy
I could pretend not to cry
I could pretend that it's not over
But that would be a lie
And I can't lie - to you

I could pretend this is the beginning
I could pretend it's not the end
I could pretend that we're forever
But that would be a lie
And I can't lie - not to you

Chorus
'Cause lies, they don't solve a thing
And lies won't help you ease the pain
Lies won't let you feel better for long
Not for long

I could pretend the grass isn't greener
On the other side
I could pretend that I still want you
But that would be a lie
And I can't lie - to you

I could pretend my heart's not breaking
I could pretend, and I could lie
But sooner or later you'd see through me
And you'd see through the lie
That's why I can't lie - Not to you

Chorus2
'Cause lies, they don't mean a thing
And I don't want to hurt you more
Even if you don't wanna hear
You deserve a fair goodbye

goodbye

Ending...
I could pretend my eyes were open
Back when we began
I could pretend that I still love you
But that would be a lie
And you know I can't lie

And that's the song. I wrote this about 5 years ago. Crit away people, but be gentle.. it's my first time!!! LOL :p

UnderDawg
12-21-2004, 03:31 PM
It's too...straightforward and cliched. There are no good metaphors, or any kind of lines that just grab people's attention. This kind of song has been done before, many times. It's ok to do songs about break-ups, you just need to be more original about it.

Floydfanatic
12-21-2004, 03:32 PM
i like it



but i'm a dirty lier... :lol:

Teri Jo
12-21-2004, 04:11 PM
Okay I try to add some rep and the whole BOARD crashes? hmmmm...
I think it worked this time tho!

A_Perfect_Sonnet
12-21-2004, 04:12 PM
no the whole board just crashes whenever you try and do anything

Teri Jo
12-21-2004, 04:22 PM
LOL I know, it's been doin it since I signed up.

As to the song being straightforward, well that's me, I'm afraid! But I'll see what I can do on a new song... this one is too wedged in my head the way it is - I've been singin it for 5 years, ya understand. It's one people request, so if I changed the words I might get beat up. LOL

But keep critting because I can use it, like I say on a NEW song.

Teri Jo
12-21-2004, 05:02 PM
i like it



but i'm a dirty lier... :lol:

Oh surely you could handle being a CLEAN liar? What's a little soap and water between friends? :lol:

morrissey
12-21-2004, 05:21 PM
no the whole board just crashes whenever you try and do anything

what happened to your avatar?

Anyways, I find that the board crashes whenever I am online, and have absolutely nothing else that I could possibly do :angry:

A_Perfect_Sonnet
12-22-2004, 10:45 PM
free bump for our lady friend

to mozz : nothing happened to my avatar?

morrissey
12-22-2004, 10:53 PM
free bump for our lady friend

to mozz : nothing happened to my avatar?

hmm it was yesterday, you didn't have an avatar. Maybe it just didn't load properly or something? :confused:

No worries, fagface, I forgive you. <3

A_Perfect_Sonnet
12-22-2004, 11:28 PM
im glad <3