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View Full Version : Cut the chord. (Crit for Crit)


DougJI
12-19-2004, 01:06 AM
Left sitting with a dial tone
left sitting with a hanging phone
dont understand why not me
cant figure out any reason
seems everyone else gets their chance
but you love me too much to date
it seems the matters out of my hands
you've passed the choice into fate.

CHORUS
Don't even try to change me back
Don't even try to change my mindset
You'll always be whoever you are
where you were there'll always be a scar.

Not everyone likes to hear that
all you want is a guy that fights back.
ill keep laying down to help you
to see if I can get a turn
you seem to think ill always be there
what will happen when theres someody else
no-one for the emotions you share
ill lay back, new girl doin well

Chorus

expermenting can be exciting
maybe you should make it a fun thing
but it seems that ive given up
its to late, youve missed your shot
but what the hell go ahead and question
by that time I doubt ill still care
you might not think that I always listen
I love you, whatever expression you wear

Chorus

Its about a girl (Theres a shocker) and if you can get what its supposed to sound like, its almost like I hate myself and I want to die (by nirvana) but not really. Anyways crit for crit.

PS. Linkin_Park15 If you could post a link to a song you want me to crit to get you back for your last crit and this one if you so choose.

EDIT: Spelling sucked (its 3 am)

POOSTAIN
12-19-2004, 08:14 AM
I didn't much like the chorus, and the rhyme scheme is almost not there most of the time, but that's not the important thing. The beginning of the 1st verse and the beginning of the chorus both repeat the first half of the first line, but nowhere else in the song. Spread your peanut butter evenly, and do it again throughout the song. Ever heard the song "Mad World" by Gary Jules? It's on the Donnie Darko soundtrack. That's a good example of what I'm saying here.