lost

[stringsofmetal]

this song is spontainious so crit at will. and i am really metephorical so if you dont get something odds are i didn't make sense. ok here goes......



people have spent my life rejecting me for things i can't change
spent too long looking for things to blame
i bleed just to know the pain
i know it when i feel it going through my veins
i will see how much i mean to them. with this gun in my hand.
suddenly i just don't give a ****.
when i touched the rose
it burst to flames
when i tried to cry
there was no one to blame
these hands are wrong in what they do


ok i guess its not finished but crit it so far......

[jerky_timberdog]

the first two lines are a bit tricky to understand, but i get the jist of it... perhaps "I" or "they" at the beginning of line 2 to clarify who you're refering too?
the flow between 3 & 4 is a bit rough and the wording could be a little better. the imagery is kinda cool in line 5 and i get the feeling line 6 was just put there for the hell of it...
the last bunch of lines are the best in the whole thing... i really like them, but they are a bit let down by the first half... ummm, yeah... not too bad though buddy :)

6.5/10