“The last time I was here I hated you and now that I’m back I still do”

[hotcod32]

“The last time I was here I hated you and now that I’m back I still do”

I remember when I was young,
There where so many things,
That I was told was the truth,
And that I should believe in,
But looking at you now,
There’s only one thing,
One thing that I remember,
Never understanding,

Patients is a virtue,
And virtue is a grace,
But where you find a grace,
You’ll always find,
A lie behind the smile on the face,

Embracing that that will,
Always be simpler,
Than telling the truth,

As I take a step,
Away from you now,
Times flowing so slowly,
That I know I could count,
Every single last hair
That’s there on your head,
But I can only think about the way,
I wish you where dead,

We are all dammed,
By naivety,
And everything else,
That fails in face,
Of eternity,

Embracing that that will,
Always be simpler,
Than telling the truth,

I remember when I was young,
There where so many things,
That I was told was the truth,
And that I should believe in,
But looking at you now,
There’s only one thing,
One thing that I remember,
Never understanding,

Patients is a virtue,
And virtue is a grace,
But where you find a grace,
You’ll always find,
A lie behind the smile on the face,

Embracing that that will,
Always be simpler,
Than telling the truth,

We are all dammed,
By naivety,
And everything else,
That fails in face,
Of eternity,

Embracing that that will,
Always be simpler,
Than telling the truth,

[hotcod32]

to be honist i don't like the repeted 1st vers now that i look at it.... proably write a whole new one latter......

and no its not about a girl... well ok actaly it is (being that the person was a girl), but not in the way that it might come across theres a very strong meaning to this song for me and one that i think is very very important but i'm thinking it might be a bit hard to dig out, oh well

[ABulldog]

did you just critique your own song....? I would think of another verse too though. That is always the easy way out to just do the first verse again. The chorus sounds like Yoda writing an emo song though.

some of the lines just keep going on and on in the second verse. It sounds like a run on sentence.

I have come to realize that eveyone has a different writing style and that everyone has an idea of what is good or bad.... Therefore I won't tell you what I think because i don't like writing things on this subject matter. It kinda just sounds like something you wrote in a diary... Whether that is good or bad is upto the style of music you put it too.

The structure is a bit different and that could be a good thing. It might save it from being a boring song. I know you don't want to hear that it sounds boring but that is how it seems from me perspective.

We are all dammed,
By naivety,
And everything else,
That fails in face,
Of eternity,

This ^^^ is a good piece... maybe on the vague side, but that is ok.... you would have to have the rest of the song explain that part.

Embracing that that will,
Always be simpler,
Than telling the truth,

This is a little akward. What is simpler? Being naive? I don't know what being naive has to do with telling the truth. I would think that a naive person is more inclined to tell the truth or speak from his mind. I could be missing something here. I did drinkk a lot last night and my brain isn't functioning properly.

As I take a step,
Away from you now,
Times flowing so slowly,
That I know I could count,
Every single last hair
That’s there on your head,
But I can only think about the way,
I wish you where dead,

Yeah this whole verse isn't good to me... you keep rambling on until the last two lines and you end the verse thinking about the way you were dead .... doesn't make sense. maybe about the way i wish you would die... but it is starting to sound like a 4th grade emo song.

I remember when I was young,
There where so many things,
That I was told was the truth,
And that I should believe in,
But looking at you now,
There’s only one thing,
One thing that I remember,
Never understanding,

This verse sounds good. But again it sounds like it is straight out of a diary.... I probably do this a lot too, but it sounds kinda wierd by adding words like And and But in the beginning of a line. I do it too, but I try not too and here I think it would work fine with out them.

[ABulldog]

it posted it twice... wierd

[hotcod32]

Thanks for the cirt... your deffently right about the 2nd vers.... i think i just really need to rework the whole song at some point...

Basicly the truth naiveity thing, is that this is a song about realgion, and about the intent that people who belive in relagion enter in to good acts with... do they do a good act becuse they belive its the right thing to do, or becuse of a selfish desire not to go to hell...

The truth is we simply can't tell if theres a god or an afterlife and beliveing we know and understand it and its will is simply naive... And its only throw not beliveing in a god, or a heven or an after life but a belife in simply the right thing, is when we start to make the world a better place... theres no "oh its ok for the poor africas to be starving to death becuse they will go to heven" (you'll also notice that the % of a poplashion who belives in realgion gose down the better off that contory is, which seems a little odd since we have more to be thankful for) and it also means that when we act kind and good, its becuse it is the right thing to do not becuse we are acting on the "be good or you'll go to hell" its the next step in sociteys evlashion, realgion as it is was a very nice way for us to cope with the way the world was, but its now starting to hold us back....

and this is basicly the argument i had with a very devot girl a year ago, and again a few days ago....

now don't get me wrong, i do belive in a "god" of some kind, and some reasion for being her and in life after death... but i also know i can't understand any of it, or even come remotly close to being right about it... which leaves me simply beliveing we have to act like it might not be real, that this might be it, and its wrong to have the world work the way it dose...

but ya i'll shut up now

[thirdeyeblindislit]

“The last time I was here I hated you and now that I’m back I still do”

I remember when I was young,
There where so many things,
That I was told was the truth,
And that I should believe in,
But looking at you now,
There’s only one thing,
One thing that I remember,
Never understanding,

(Ok this is an ok starting verse. It seems a bit blunt, but I may need to hear music to really tell.)

Patients is a virtue,
And virtue is a grace,
But where you find a grace,
You’ll always find,
A lie behind the smile on the face,

(Ok this verse is alot better. I really like the first two lines.)

Embracing that that will,
Always be simpler,
Than telling the truth,

(Ok I dont know if this is a typo, but why did you put that twice? Also this verse seems to be lacking alot. You may want to make it longer.)

As I take a step,
Away from you now,
Times flowing so slowly,
That I know I could count,
Every single last hair
That’s there on your head,
But I can only think about the way,
I wish you where dead,

(Ok I love this verse. It just may have made your song. I love the idea behind this verse. Keep verses up like this. :thumb: )

We are all dammed,
By naivety,
And everything else,
That fails in face,
Of eternity,

(I love how you used naivery and eternity. Nice.)

Embracing that that will,
Always be simpler,
Than telling the truth,

I remember when I was young,
There where so many things,
That I was told was the truth,
And that I should believe in,
But looking at you now,
There’s only one thing,
One thing that I remember,
Never understanding,

Patients is a virtue,
And virtue is a grace,
But where you find a grace,
You’ll always find,
A lie behind the smile on the face,

Embracing that that will,
Always be simpler,
Than telling the truth,

We are all dammed,
By naivety,
And everything else,
That fails in face,
Of eternity,

Embracing that that will,
Always be simpler,
Than telling the truth,


Thirdeye's verdict:
Over all this was a very good song. I dont know about repeating so much of your song over again but that is just me. I really like the title and I love the idea. It's awsome. Anyway, nice job and keep it up. :thumb: 8/10