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goo
12-17-2004, 05:43 PM
I don't know a thing,
She's gone, but is she really?
She's living on, everywhere
Oh my mind, she kisses
She kisses so long
Now, she's gone - playing around

But I'll get over it,
yeah I'll get over it,
No, I'm not upset,
Just a little bit,

I'm a shot down rider - rolling around,
In the dark desert, forever living on
What she had, was mine - I thought
Oh how could I be so blind,
It's not a lot,
and of course it's not all I got

But I'll get over it,
yeah I'll get over it,
No, I'm not upset,
Just a little bit,

Now I'm picking up this tune,
On the way to getting better,
Thinking of her, all the time
If I only had what it takes,
what it takes to scratch your love
goo
12-17-2004, 10:47 PM
yes
POOSTAIN
12-17-2004, 11:01 PM
no.
goo
12-17-2004, 11:33 PM
why?
thirdeyeblindislit
12-18-2004, 12:34 AM
I don't know a thing,
She's gone, but is she really?
She's living on, everywhere
Oh my mind, she kisses
She kisses so long
Now, she's gone - playing around

(Ok, to tell you the truth, this first verse doesnt really flow at all. I should problibly listen to it to music, but it doesnt seem to flow.)

But I'll get over it,
yeah I'll get over it,
No, I'm not upset,
Just a little bit,

(Ok, this is way to blunt. METAPHORS. You may want to look up my guideline thread.)

I'm a shot down rider - rolling around,
In the dark desert, forever living on
What she had, was mine - I thought
Oh how could I be so blind,
It's not a lot,
and of course it's not all I got

(Ok this verse is much better. Try to stick to this idea of writing.)

But I'll get over it,
yeah I'll get over it,
No, I'm not upset,
Just a little bit,

Now I'm picking up this tune,
On the way to getting better,
Thinking of her, all the time
If I only had what it takes,
what it takes to scratch your love

(Ok scratch your love? Doesnt seem to fit. This verse doesnt seem to flow yet either.)


Thirdeye's verdict:
Um.... I'm not sure about this song. It didnt really seem to flow well. I do like the idea, but you may need to express it better. Use Metahphors! This song could be great if you take a little time to revise it. Good luck. :thumb:
5/10
thirdeyeblindislit
12-18-2004, 12:35 AM
no.

You should really give reasons for your posts. :thumb: