Tainted (poem)

[circlethedrain]

Tainted

Red rose withered lying in its bed
Blackened over plagued and dead
All the rain from the heavens above
Can not clean this love

It’s a weak rose
It’s a dead rose
It is nothing

A former beauty now cowers from the sun
Alone in the shadows from what’d begun
All the rain from the heavens above
Can not clean this love

It’s a weak rose
It’s a dead rose
It is nothing

Who wants this flower that’s dead inside
Dug deep in the soil where it now resides
In this bed once laid a beautiful painting
But is gone and now is tainted




So what do you guys think?

[circlethedrain]

bump

[POOSTAIN]

Comparing dying love to a dying rose. May I say that the idea is a tad overdone? I may not be the most original bastard all the time but I encourage others to try.

Who wants this flower that’s dead inside
Dug deep in the soil where it now resides

I liked that part. I'm not sure why. It just hit me.

I'd give it a 6.5/10 for valiant effort.

[circlethedrain]

well, it not about love though... It's about rape.

[POOSTAIN]

well, it not about love though... It's about rape.
then may I ask why the word LOVE appears in there twice?

[circlethedrain]

well even though it was rape, they still made love.

[POOSTAIN]

well even though it was rape, they still made love.
(creepy far-off look)

oookay....

[circlethedrain]

Well, last time I checked making love was another way to say sex. Right?

[POOSTAIN]

Well, last time I checked making love was another way to say sex. Right?
Under certain circumstances. In this particular situation, **** NO. Wildly unneccessary dude. When's the last time someone raped someone they actually loved? That's twisted I'm sorry.

[circlethedrain]

Well i said "all the rain from the heaven above cannot clean THIS love. Because its a dirty kind of love.

[morrissey]

Well, last time I checked making love was another way to say sex. Right?
good try, but it isn't called love if it is rape... sorry dude.

[thirdeyeblindislit]

Tainted

Red rose withered lying in its bed
Blackened over plagued and dead
All the rain from the heavens above
Can not clean this love

(Wow what a powerful way to start off the poem. I love it.)

It’s a weak rose
It’s a dead rose
It is nothing

(For some reason, I didnt think I would like these lines but I do. Good job.)

A former beauty now cowers from the sun
Alone in the shadows from what’d begun
All the rain from the heavens above
Can not clean this love

(Another awsome verse. This is looking spotless.)

It’s a weak rose
It’s a dead rose
It is nothing

Who wants this flower that’s dead inside
Dug deep in the soil where it now resides
In this bed once laid a beautiful painting
But is gone and now is tainted

(WOW! What a way to end it.)

Thirdeye's verdict:
There seems to be nothing wrong with this poem. I love the word placement and everything. Fantastic Job! 10/10. :thumb:

[jerky_timberdog]

i really liked the poem... i like sad poetry, it just has a whole lot more power to it i think... despite the context (though it did freak me out a little) i enjoyed it , though i'm not sure why and that's what i think i like about it (sorry if that was obscure)...

8/10 :)

[andy_roo10]

i can see my lifetime piling up! i can see the days turn into nights! i can see the people on the streets! opening those windows up...100 below me

[andy_roo10]

100 miles that is! ha ha ha! ha! ha! har!

[circlethedrain]

Yeah it is a weird premise. I wrote the poem for my creative writing class. The teacher told us to write something that wasnt cliche, so i did. She was kinda weirded out by it too, but i did get a100 on it.The only 100 in all of the classes. :thumb: