untiltled and need some opinions ( Crit for Crit)

[Distance Distortion Factor]

I used to post as kaneada so if any of you have read the garbabage i have posted in the past you will find alot of the same nuances here, anywho if you want a return crit on one of your peices, leave the thread name i will do it tonight when im off work...all opinions appricated, its only three verses deep and im not sure with the direction:

I Light a cigarette to insecurity
Thought carries on the smoke
Spreading through the air like wildfire
Burning all that remains of my conscious

I follow the patterns in the air
Hoping to find my mind
The haze thins with my conclusion
I struggle with my adversity

A half a pack passed
A mirror lies broken
My reflection cascaded a million ways
A paradigm to my delusion

[thirdeyeblindislit]

I Light a cigarette to insecurity
Thought carries on the smoke
Spreading through the air like wildfire
Burning all that remains of my conscious

(Ok I love this verse. It paints a great picture in my mind. Imagery and Metaphors, thats what makes a good song.)

I follow the patterns in the air
Hoping to find my mind
The haze thins with my conclusion
I struggle with my adversity

(Another great verse. Very creative and great use of words.)

A half a pack passed
A mirror lies broken
My reflection cascaded a million ways
A paradigm to my delusion

(I love that last verse. Really brings it all together.)

Thirdeye's verdict:
Yes you may want to add a little more to this but with enough music you may not have too. I saw nothing wrong with this song and i really enjoyed the metaphors. Keep up the writing because you have the talent of making words into pictures that stay in a person's mind. 9.8/10
:thumb:

If you dont mind can you crit my bombs over baghdad part 2? Thanks.