"Et Tu"

[hotcod32]

“Et Tu”

She’s lying in bed,
Cold and alone,
Her body feels odd,
Like its not quite her own,
She pulls of the sheets,
That where over her head,
The way that they feel,
Convinces her that she is dead,

Everything that she touched,
Felt like a line from a book,
Some one else thoughts
On how things should look,
She wanted to scream,
If she could only breathe,
Remembering now,
Is like remembering a dream,

With pressing fingertips,
She rubs at her eye lids,
Wishing that everything,
Would stop falling in,

Running her finger,
On the rusted frame,
She opens the window
To sees stars that are falling,
With the pouring rain,
Every one another shining sun,
Pooling on the tarmac,
Liquid light that starts to run,

She fell back to sleep,
With her arms around her knees,
Hoping maybe she can wake up,
To find things the way,
That they used to be,
With colours that didn’t die,
And moisture in her eyes,
She could feel right to cry,

Iron taste of blood,
Left clinging to her finger tips,
She didn’t even notice,
That she had bit her lip,

And she says,
It’s not my fault,
Please don’t scream,
Can’t you tell?
I’ve just given in,

And she says,
It’s not my fault,
Please don’t scream,
Can’t you tell?
I’ve just given in,

[thirdeyeblindislit]

“Et Tu”

She’s lying in bed,
Cold and alone,
Her body feels odd,
Like its not quite her own,
She pulls of the sheets,
That where over her head,
The way that they feel,
Convinces her that she is dead,

(Ok i like this opening verse. I didnt see why you put where over her head, but other than that its brilliant.)

Everything that she touched,
Felt like a line from a book,
Some one else thoughts
On how things should look,
She wanted to scream,
If she could only breathe,
Remembering now,
Is like remembering a dream,

(I like the reference to the book and some one elses thought. Very creative. Another great verse. :thumb:)

With pressing fingertips,
She rubs at her eye lids,
Wishing that everything,
Would stop falling in,

(Another amazing verse. Wow you are really brilliant.)

Running her finger,
On the rusted frame,
She opens the window
To sees stars that are falling,
With the pouring rain,
Every one another shining sun,
Pooling on the tarmac,
Liquid light that starts to run,

(Ok this verse seemed a little weaker for some reason but still brilliant.)

She fell back to sleep,
With her arms around her knees,
Hoping maybe she can wake up,
To find things the way,
That they used to be,
With colours that didn’t die,
And moisture in her eyes,
She could feel right to cry,

(Ok this verse lost its flow for about three lines after knees but other than that its ok.)

Iron taste of blood,
Left clinging to her finger tips,
She didn’t even notice,
That she had bit her lip,

(Ok this verse kind have lacked a couple of sentences to me. But its still good.)

And she says,
It’s not my fault,
Please don’t scream,
Can’t you tell?
I’ve just given in,

And she says,
It’s not my fault,
Please don’t scream,
Can’t you tell?
I’ve just given in,

(Ok the last two verses dont seem to flow well with the rest of the song.)


Thirdeye's Verdict:
I really enjoyed reading this. It was so brilliant, that I wish I could write a song like that. Anyway, nice job. I picked out a couple things you may want to change but thank you for giving me the oportunity to read such a genius song. 9.5/10 :thumb:
Keep it up.

Can you please crit my bombs over baghdad part 2 song? Thanks.

[hotcod32]

thanks :) i did crit you, but my crits suck but i hope you find some help in it

[idontknow069]

I liked the song. I think it relates to many people and the problems they go through. It reminds me of someone regreting somethuing that they think ruined there life!!! I personally liked it!!!

[POOSTAIN]

Thirdeye basically summed it up, but I will crit anyway.
I liked this song a lot. It's not very often you see sh*t that's this original and interesting. More people should put in as much effort and thought as you do. I'd appreciate it if you'd crit mine.

[thirdeyeblindislit]

I liked the song. I think it relates to many people and the problems they go through. It reminds me of someone regreting somethuing that they think ruined there life!!! I personally liked it!!!


I agree. :thumb:

[stringsofmetal]

it was awsome :) i wrote sumthing like hat once. but it sucked so i burned it. way cool and keep up the good work!!

just a reminder, you dont HAVE to rhyme. just as long as if flows with the music its cool, ok?

[jerky_timberdog]

awesome work man... i'm a sucker for a rhyming song, so thumbs up! some awesome potential in you i reckon....
9.5/10

[andy_roo10]

people need to stop pulling the word brilliant out of their asses

[Nightvision]

oh, ffs - I'm through with you.