Adjourn

[Jason Lo]

I got some work to do
Ahh maybe later
I got to mow my lawn
Ahh maybe later
I got some dust to bust
Ahh maybe later
I got to wash the dish
Ahh maybe later

everybody knows the time is fast
you don't know when will it last
just release the laziness,
the idleness and the stubbornness

Release it... (5x)
NOOOO!!!!

I got some work to do
Ahh maybe later
I got to mow my lawn
Ahh maybe later
I got some dust to bust
Ahh maybe later
I got to wash the dish
Ahh maybe later

[slit_wrist_theory]

hmmm it lacks poetic devises... and is very plain and simple. The idea behind it isn't too great either

"everybody knows the time is fast
you don't know when will it last
just release the laziness,
the idleness and the stubbornness"

You've tried too much to make it rhyme and haven't really concentrated on the actual content.

[Jason Lo]

thanx for the feedback... i'll improve all my weaknesses :thumb:

[Dingbats]

I got some work to do
Ahh maybe later
I got to mow my lawn
Ahh maybe later
I got some dust to bust
Ahh maybe later
I got to wash the dish
Ahh maybe later
Looks kinda childish really, with the "ahh maybe later" things. "I got some bust to dust" looks cool though.

everybody knows the time is fast
you don't know when will it last
just release the laziness,
the idleness and the stubbornness
Not very good. The second line makes no sense to me... :/ The last two lines son't fit very well together.

Release it... (5x)
NOOOO!!!!
Could work.

I got some work to do
Ahh maybe later
I got to mow my lawn
Ahh maybe later
I got some dust to bust
Ahh maybe later
I got to wash the dish
Ahh maybe later
Same as first.

I use to like semirepetative songs, but this one I didn't really like. Quite boring actually.

[Jason Lo]

any other opinions..anyway thanx for the crit dingbats!