Razorblade Fate

[slit_wrist_theory]

Carve open my wrist
With your razorblade kiss
Swallow a bit of my pride
Leave me for dead
With the words that you said
Push all my feelings aside
Smother my heart
Like you did from the start
Forget all the kisses we shared
Burn through my skin
Scar the feelings within
Forget that I ever cared
Smile at my pain
As I stand in the rain
Remembering your lips against mine
And the cold in your touch
Proved to be too much
As I felt shivers sent up my spine
So attack all my bliss
With your cold empty kiss
Swallow some more of my hate
This won't ever last
Too much pain in the past
So move on and live with your fate

[andy_roo10]

it's no Razors by Tonycore

i use a razor to sew my stiches
bum bam bum bum bam doo doo doo dodododdodoo

[EonBlueApocalypse]

this appears to be the average "i slit my wrists a lot" poem, when in terms of poetic quality, you can't take it very far. the rhymes in here are a little cheesy, possibly forced, and it doesn't really have a lot of good mteaphorical value in it, not to interesting to read. next time make the cutting theme a little less obvious and i garuntee you the poem will be more interesting. 4/10

this is all constructive criticism, so don't get pissed at me.

[hotcod32]

I'm sorry but every line was simply a cliché and what that means is that the whole song is flat and uninvoleing... it just feels like theres nothing of you anywhere in there. The thing is that what makes a song intresting is the fact every writer will see and feel things diffrently, and that should be expresed in what your doing...

Instead of useing lines that you've heard a thousend times, why not look at them and just try to find another way to say the same thing and so on

4/10

[slit_wrist_theory]

I'm sorry but every line was simply a cliché and what that means is that the whole song is flat and uninvoleing... it just feels like theres nothing of you anywhere in there. The thing is that what makes a song intresting is the fact every writer will see and feel things diffrently, and that should be expresed in what your doing...

Instead of useing lines that you've heard a thousend times, why not look at them and just try to find another way to say the same thing and so on

4/10

It's not about 'slitting my wrists', it's like a metaphor for for the way someone can treat you.

"Carve open my wrist
With your razorblade kiss"
Explains that although you are slightly addicted to someone, they are still cold and bitter, and painful to be with. ie you let them near you even tho you know they'll hurt you

"Swallow a bit of my pride"
Ready to give the world to someone, even if it means going against what you believe in.

As this sites about constructive critism, i'll give you some... maybe you should look deeper than what things appear to be on the outside

[EonBlueApocalypse]

It's not about 'slitting my wrists', it's like a metaphor for for the way someone can treat you.

"Carve open my wrist
With your razorblade kiss"
Explains that although you are slightly addicted to someone, they are still cold and bitter, and painful to be with. ie you let them near you even tho you know they'll hurt you

"Swallow a bit of my pride"
Ready to give the world to someone, even if it means going against what you believe in.

As this sites about constructive critism, i'll give you some... maybe you should look deeper than what things appear to be on the outside

"carve open my wrist with a razorblade kiss" is a very unlikely metaphor...i doubt many would have figured it out unless you told us. it just sounds very straightforward, thats all i'm saying.