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shadowsfallon711
12-15-2004, 06:33 PM
Verse
The unknown fear haunts you everyday
sleep nor wake it torments all the time
you run from it but chooses to stay
it waits until the final bell will chime

Chorus
it stabs you in the back just like a friend
it brings you to your knees
you hope the scar will mend
its like a disease
*the pains unbearable*whispered

Verse
it singes the heart
slowly burning everything it can
stings just like a dart
just like a demented man
*and i cant control it*yell

chorus
it stabs you in the back just like a friend
it brings you to your knees
you hope the scar will mend
its like a disease
*the pains unbearable*whispered

*yell at the end*
the pain finaly resides


crit for crit and maybe some help with music

slit_wrist_theory
12-16-2004, 04:43 AM
"Verse
The unknown fear haunts you everyday
sleep nor wake it torments all the time
you run from it but chooses to stay
it waits until the final bell will chime

Chorus
it stabs you in the back just like a friend
it brings you to your knees
you hope the scar will mend
it like some sort of disease
*the pains unbearable*whispered

Verse
it singes the heart
*the pains unbearable*whispered
slowly burning everything it can
dont know how to handle this
its overwhelming i cant control it

Verse
it stabs you in the back just like a friend
it brings you to your knees
you hope the scar will mend
it like some sort of disease
*the pains unbearable*whispered

*yell at the end*
the pain finaly resides"

One of the verses, and the chorus are the same? Is it meant to be like that?

"it stabs you in the back just like a friend
it brings you to your knees
you hope the scar will mend
it like some sort of disease
*the pains unbearable*whispered"

The line 'it like some sort of disease' has too many sylliballs (spelt wrong :() lol... maybe try 'It's just like a disease'

"it singes the heart
*the pains unbearable*whispered
slowly burning everything it can
dont know how to handle this
its overwhelming i cant control it"

The rhyming pattern (abab) has changed in this verse. You should try and keep it the same throughout

As for the music, would probably go well with a slow tune. Maybe one line to per 4 bars. A deep, cold picky tune on guitar would sound good aswell

shadowsfallon711
12-16-2004, 06:18 AM
no the verse same as chorus will be changed ill edit later

AnsonChew
12-16-2004, 08:29 AM
I think that if you had a slow low tune for the verse, and a slight higher pitched chorus, with distortion for the guitar, then just as u do the whispering part, the drum fills and u go back to the slow verse. =D

shadowsfallon711
12-19-2004, 10:33 AM
can someone help me write music to this im having trouble

Nightvision
12-19-2004, 10:41 AM
in a word - no...

It's not our place to write music for you - then it becomes our song as much as it is yours.

Learn some theory - the locrian mode of the major scale is most likely to be your best bet for this sort of song.