your guilt.

[burton.and.gas]

im standing by the street light you smashed,
i lean on the gravestone of the girl you killed,
i am the one who tells u when your wrong,
i am the one who makes u never right.

its good when u remember you are wrong,
every where u look are symbolic reasons,
for me to stay around by your past.

of course if u left the past to the past,
then i would die and dissapear,
but the fact is you keep hold of everything you've ever done.

i shall stay,
by you side in your head,
by the graves of your dead,
i will not go i will not wilt,
i shall ever live on as your guilt.

[burton.and.gas]

ok this is like half a song, but its finished lol please crit.

[IOWNU200]

im standing by the street light you smashed,
i lean on the gravestone of the girl you killed,
i am the one who tells u when your wrong,
i am the one who makes u never right.

The first three lines were pretty good, but I think the last one should be changed I don't like the way you worded it. The first two were very good though

its good when u remember you are wrong,
every where u look are symbolic reasons,
for me to stay around by your past.

This is ok. It seems to have a weird flow and I don't like the wording really at all. Especiall the last line, it seems extremely awkward.

of ocurse if u left teh past to the past,
then i woudl die and dissapear,
but the fact is you keep hold of everything youve ever done.

I like this verse alot more. Although it still seems to have a weird flow your concept is much stronger. I like the last line alot.

i shall stay,
by you side in your head,
by the graves of your dead,
i will not go i will not wilt,
i shall ever live on as your guilt.

I can imagine this being very cool musically leaving the song. It's a good way to end the song here.

I'd try and see if you can fix alot of the flow and woridng but you have a cool concept going. The first and last verses were the best. Good job

And if you could:
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=277501

[burton.and.gas]

sure i wil crit urs i cnat gie u rep poinst cos i have dun it too many times im afraid

[IOWNU200]

heh, that's fine, thanks for the offer

[mysterychick]

Ok, i dont like this song too much. And when you post a song, lets try to spell things correctly!! It doesnt take that long to look over and fix a few letters. Thanks, we all appreciate it.

im standing by the street light you smashed,
i lean on the gravestone of the girl you killed,
i am the one who tells u when your wrong,
i am the one who makes u never right.

I think the second line should be changed to "I lean on the gravestone (that) you caused" or something similar. Instead of "i am" use Im, it flows better. The last line is not very strong, usually those lines are the strongest.

its good when u remember you are wrong,
every where u look are symbolic reasons,
for me to stay around by your past.

I dont understand this, how can you stay by someones past if its already gone? Anyways, this doesnt flow well either.

of ocurse if u left teh past to the past,
then i woudl die and dissapear,
but the fact is you keep hold of everything youve ever done.

Is this verse suppose to have some sort of hidden meaning? Or any meaning? It doesnt have a point, at all.

i shall stay,
by you side in your head,
by the graves of your dead,
i will not go i will not wilt,
i shall ever live on as your guilt.

This is the best verse of the entire song, too bad you didnt get you grammar correct here either. But this is very strong, and i can tell whats going on. Nice job here!

Overall 3.2/10

[Infinatedestiny]

agree with the chick im affraid. its a little too straight forward. im only judging u the way i stand back and crit my own songs when im writin them. its kind off too straight forward but not clear enough. i dont like this song too much either but i think il give it 5/10 because there is some good stuff. its not cleaver enough for my liking but im sure ur capable of using intelligence cuz there are signs of good work here.

[burton.and.gas]

well tanks for your feed back anyhoo.

[burton.and.gas]

i dont think thsi song has a meaning eitehr by the way, meanings are over rated.

[Distance Distortion Factor]

im standing by the street light you smashed,
i lean on the gravestone of the girl you killed,
i am the one who tells u when your wrong,
i am the one who makes u never right.

its good when u remember you are wrong,
every where u look are symbolic reasons,
for me to stay around by your past.

of course if u left the past to the past,
then i would die and dissapear,
but the fact is you keep hold of everything you've ever done.

i shall stay,
by you side in your head,
by the graves of your dead,
i will not go i will not wilt,
i shall ever live on as your guilt.

this is more of a poem then a song...you should either be more bleak or paint a more vivid picture...depending on what you want. Eitherway its a good start, i would move from that and stregthen ideas, make it a little more twisting being the song is about you being a constant reminder of the pain a person has left...be more judgemental but in an indirectly threatening manner. Im not gonna do a line by line because this is more like a freewrite, i would take this and build with diffrent words, this stands to be a much better piece if you do. Hang in there, its not a bad start!

[cool_moon_dude]

i think these are cool lyrics but the only bit i dont like is "i am the one who makes u never right" mind im not a very good lyracist myself

[burton.and.gas]

wel tsh is oen of my off songs relaly please chekc out my otehr one though and if u want me to crit one i will. post it in my other song.