We Are Creatures of the Night

[UnderDawg]

Do intentions make the man
Or is it something more
Is it the light that makes the stars
Or only cast a shadow upon the floor

At one glance, the world may seem
So unwelcoming and perilous
But one’s like Us we dread the time
When change has lost its luster

Thus

We are creatures of the night
In dark We feed and starve in light
In day We dream of gaining sight
Through the beauty of the nigh
And burn our eyes with blinding sight
We are creatures of the night

We’ve seen the wickedness of truth
All from a mortal eye’s point of view
Striving still to attain ascension
And surpass a state we never knew

Seeing, bleeding, feeling
Moaning, gasping, reaching
Perfecting our comprehension

Thus

We are creatures of the night
In dark We feed and starve in light
In day We dream of gaining sight
Through the beauty of the nigh
And burn our eyes with blinding sight
We are creatures of the night

We shall never fade away into the day
Hold the darkness until our dying breath


Basically, the song is about the crude preconceived misconceptions of mankind and how it stems from the lack of an open mind, and how "We" being all person's who believe such as myself, seek to reach beyond that.

[jspr]

Very nice, I really like the chorus, but maybe you should change it a bit because you're using the word 'night' 3 times in it. Of course, the first and the last line of the chorus need it, but maybe you should change the 4th line.

[UnderDawg]

Hm...I'll see if there's a way to change that 4th line and keep the meaning constant. Thanks for the crit though!

[upthebracket]

Do intentions make the man
Or is it something more
Is it the light that makes the stars
Or only cast a shadow upon the floor

A great start, the first 3 lines are perfect, but I don't think the 4th fits at all, doesn't make sense to me. Still a good start.

At once glance, the world may seem
So unwelcoming and perilous
But one’s like Us we dread the time
When change has lost its luster

Good second verse.... the last line is my least favourite, again. Luster doesn't work for anything, it's a good word but it could be changed without upsetting the rhyme for a more effective one I think...

Thus

We are creatures of the night
In dark We feed and starve in light
In day We dream of gaining sight
Through the beauty of the nigh
And burn our eyes with blinding sight
We are creatures of the night

Not a fan of this part, the rhyming scheme isn't up to much. Night/light/sight/nigh/sight/night are all too similar. I do like the idea though, helps your point along.

We’ve seen the wickedness of truth
All from a mortal eye’s point of view
Striving still to attain ascension
And surpass a state we never knew

My favourite part so far, nothing I would change

Seeing, bleeding, feeling
Moaning, gasping, reaching
Perfecting our comprehension

I like the last line, perfect, not sure if the first 2 are necessary...? Maybe I'm missing something.... my head hurts from studying, so sorry if it's something obvious :)

Thus

We are creatures of the night
In dark We feed and starve in light
In day We dream of gaining sight
Through the beauty of the nigh
And burn our eyes with blinding sight
We are creatures of the night

We shall never fade away into the day
Hold the darkness until our dying breath

Pretty good ending, I'm not too sure about 'fade away into the day', away/day on the same line isn't ideal, but 'fade away' is better than just 'fade' on its own so I'll let that one slip


Pretty good overall, only a few niggles in the whole thing, the chorus part being my biggest turn off, but the rest is pretty solid.

[UnderDawg]

Ok, I changed the once to one.

On the 4th verse of the first stanza, I was trying to kinda point out how perception changes things a lot. Did I not do a good job? How should I change it?

The rhyme part of the second, thus was supposed to rhyme with with perilous, and since it's mostly a song, I just need to sing it in the right way to make it work.

I don't know how to change the chorus, the rhymes are meant to be repeated, and I don't know how else to put it...

The seeing, bleeding part is all supposed to tie in with perfecting our comprehension. Any other other words you can think of that might make more sense?

And the face away into day, again I was having trouble using a different word choice.

Thanks for the crit!

[UnderDawg]

Others?