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Nalphe
12-05-2004, 11:28 PM
i wrote this poem yeserday night....

As light lies dead,
Thus ne'er to shine,
Dark clouds astound the starry-skies;
As black aquarelle...
Such tenebrific, though...
Black roses effloresce, pollen shatters upon the satyric swine...

Arcane satanic lust within,
Scatter'd like the gruesome wind,
Of feverish night with demonic might,
Nor a whore has a chance to disdain...

There'll be none disgrace,
But foxily gaze!
For each curve he dwells his lust upon,
Rapturing himself, down to sensual swoon,
Ne'er she shows discomfort or e'en a taunt,
But with glee she relishes, and make sweet moan!

He, who with the wild eyes on,
Beholding each and every single curve upon,
Prurient tongue licks as desire impels,
Drifting himself through the amorous tranquil dark night...

" O' what an alluring symmetry! " he cried,
Glimmering across the dim, so bright!

Her skin gently he fondles,
Her neck softly he kiss,
Her rondure lustfully he ravishes...
And with her thighs, together...he binds...

"Libidinous souls two yonder,
Embracing each other;
Neither will the air slips through in manner,
Nor any immortal force dare to break them asunder..."


thanks for reading....any crit/ comment??

also my earlier one: http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=271296

thanks again :)

xKONRADx
12-05-2004, 11:54 PM
oh that was great. very cool. just out of curiosity, what kind of music? or is it poetry? either way its all good. though i think it may be hard to write music that wont take away from the lyrics...

Nalphe
12-06-2004, 12:14 AM
it's a lyric for my band(black metal)...but, better to call it as poetry, since it IS a poem...with music on

thanks for ur comment, hope to see some of ur other works

xKONRADx
12-06-2004, 12:32 AM
what do you mean black metal? i mean that was great. i dont know what its supposed to sound like though. ok whatever it doesnt matter.... i guess.

Sloth
12-06-2004, 01:01 AM
I'm way too tired to crit well or fully.. SO

It was a refreshing post to see on these forums... the only guys who did that kinda thing haven't been around in several months.. This seemed to be of their quality, which is good..

there were a couple lines near the end that felt off.. the rest- cool..

Music_Is_My_Religion
12-06-2004, 01:33 AM
i liked the style of speach it was kinda old englishy. but it sounds like it would be one of those bands that are way hardcore and i'm not really into that style myself. overall i liked the vocabulary choses in it. pretty cool man. i guess it's more poetry than song.

Nalphe
12-06-2004, 08:36 AM
i liked the style of speach it was kinda old englishy. but it sounds like it would be one of those bands that are way hardcore and i'm not really into that style myself. overall i liked the vocabulary choses in it. pretty cool man. i guess it's more poetry than song.


yea, u can say that again, my band does sing poem...cause we think that poem is more romantic, and it'll be easier to express our feeling in a poem....
my band sings bout love lost, lust and....romance

anyway....thanks guys!!

LordDargon
12-06-2004, 09:50 AM
Sounds like a gaycore CoF ripoff type band.

Nalphe
12-06-2004, 09:53 AM
Sounds like a gaycore CoF ripoff type band.


hey....

LordDargon
12-06-2004, 10:00 AM
Half-decent necrophile lyrics:

Slayer-Necrophiliac
http://www.darklyrics.com/lyrics/slayer/hellawaits.html#5

Sucky necrophile lyrics:
Cradle of Filth lyrics

EDIT: And by the way, Satanic Lust is a Sarcofago song.

Nalphe
12-06-2004, 10:22 AM
Half-decent necrophile lyrics:

Slayer-Necrophiliac
http://www.darklyrics.com/lyrics/slayer/hellawaits.html#5

Sucky necrophile lyrics:
Cradle of Filth lyrics

EDIT: And by the way, Satanic Lust is a Sarcofago song.


yea, i knew that too....before i write, i search for the same title....and i found them, nvr heard of them though...
my country isnt black metal friendly
sob sob.....

Tommy-r
12-06-2004, 10:50 AM
nice, indeed, it has a Cradle-ish vibe. but I like cradle ;)

Nalphe
12-07-2004, 12:49 PM
thanks, anyone else? :-)