My Story

[Guitarkidrk]

Every waking moment theres a gut feeling
its very disturbing keeping me hung over
I use to drink the pain away , but not anymore to this day
I thought i had it all, or did i lose it all to my dismay
I use to count the hours away, while i tryed to sleep it away
I use to sit around and think about my day
Now time grew faster pased and i moved away
Found a job and threw school away
All my friends still live where they are
living the party life and getting drunk every day
I thought that this isn't the life for me, so i tried once more, and threw up all day
so i called it the quits and put in the towel
left once again, to where kentucky is known
Ive change my life to what is good,
But it sure doesn't fell like it was much work
now back to the feeling that i was explaining.
you see i've made omost everything i wanted
But theres a part of me missing, lost or confused
what ever you chose
i have it all, but happy i am not, for i dont know
what else there is
money i need not, for i have money
but you i do not
so where do i look, at the end i hopefully will know

comments pls

[thirdeyeblindislit]

wow. Ok this song was kinda hard to read. Maybe it was because of the format that it was in, but thats ok because I used to write my songs in paragraphs. So yeah anyway obviously this is a very emotional subject for you. The point gets across quite well but it is so blunt. I honestly like metaphors but this song was quite good as it is. Some of the word choosing wasnt so great but its nothing that cant be fixed. Anyway nice job and keep it up. :thumb:
7.8/10

[Guitarkidrk]

wow. Ok this song was kinda hard to read. Maybe it was because of the format that it was in, but thats ok because I used to write my songs in paragraphs. So yeah anyway obviously this is a very emotional subject for you. The point gets across quite well but it is so blunt. I honestly like metaphors but this song was quite good as it is. Some of the word choosing wasnt so great but its nothing that cant be fixed. Anyway nice job and keep it up. :thumb:
7.8/10

Thanks man, first song i have wrote in a good 4-5 months, not the best , im trying from a different aproch. I like using Metaphors too, infact i like them so much sometimes, that i use them to much and the point starts straying away. Overall, this perfectly sets the title of the pass 4-5 months of my life in short, and things ive learned from time to time...still working on it.. probley need a chorus too. But ironic enough, im trying to make it like the song Motorcycle Drive By .. by 3EB thanks for your comments

[thirdeyeblindislit]

Hey no problem, I think that you could make this such an awsome song. Good Luck! :thumb:

[Guitarkidrk]

Hey no problem, I think that you could make this such an awsome song. Good Luck! :thumb:

thanks dude

[simple]

omg dude where do i start ur song owns after reading it my weener got so hard i just started jerkin the little fella

[morrissey]

I hope you don't consider that a critique...


:rolleyes:

[bard2dbone]

I can pretty much follow the storyline, at least I THINK that it is the story. But MAN that was hard to read.

It's cluttered, maybe because the writing is physically cluttered, but I could only picture it as a rap. And I don't like rap.

I found several word choices awkward. And it was seriuosly difficult to get a steady rhythm scheme in my head that this would fit.

I'm sorry, Dude, but I have to give you a low score on this one. 3/10.