The Answer

[I Am Vikingcore]

Silent screaming!
Rippling hatred down my spine!
Frightened, bleeding!
Would you give the answer?!
Hiding demon!
Break and steal all that is mine!

Kicking, screaming, broke and bleeding!
Dark and brooding, hatred's feeding!

Dark progression!
Feel the hand creep up to my throat!
Hateful, speachless!
Could I give the answer?!
The emptiness!
Break me 'til there's none to note

Kicking, screaming, broke and bleeding!
Dark and brooding, hatred's feeding!

Clouded bliss!
Bringing all the reason to me!
The ignorance!
Saving my mind for one more time!

***

This song was meant to be the basic fast past, hardcore constant screaming style song.

[morrissey]

Ok, I'll be gentle.

Let me say that you start off excellently:

Silent screaming!
Rippling hatred down my spine!
This is rather impressive. Lots of anger is coming out here, you did a good job here. You want the introduction to be interesting, and you did that.

The rest... not my thing. I try really hard not to "hate" a song because it doesn't fit into my musical tastes, but sometimes I can't help it. I respect what you are trying to do here, but I just can't get into it. That being said, there are numerous people out there who dig this sort of thing.

Umm.. as for suggestions... you are getting better, I think. A lot better. Keep it up, remember you don't have to appeal to me, I'm just one listener who likes crappy music :\. Just write songs that work for you and allow you to release your emotions, that is all that matters at the end of the day :thumb:

Overall 4/10, but for your purpose and the genre, 7/10

[thirdeyeblindislit]

Silent screaming!
Rippling hatred down my spine!
Frightened, bleeding!
Would you give the answer?!
Hiding demon!
Break and steal all that is mine!

(Ok this is a very powerful verse to me. You sound very angry. If this is how the writer feels then he has every right to write it out exactly as it comes out and nothing more and nothing less.)

Dark progression!
Feel the hand creep up to my throat!
Hateful, speachless!
Could I give the answer?!
The emptiness!
Take away this mind that's mine!

(Ok now this verse, as the last verse, is how you feel. But it stops flowing at the emptiness. Try to make that line somehow longer if you can.)


The ignorance, it saves my answer!
The ignorance, it brings me closer!
The ignorance, it saves my chances!
The ignorance, that saved my life!

(Ok now this verse in not very good. Its ok but it could have a lot more in it. And repeating the ignorance over and over again gets kind of...repeatative. Try to use some other words.)

Thirdeye's verdict:
This song had a lot of emotion in it. The word choices problbily werent all that great but something that can be worked upon. It may be too short and more verses may have to be added. I do take into consideration though that it was 3 in the morning. So just try to polish it up and make it longer and you should be good.
6.9/10

[I Am Vikingcore]

Like I said I wrote it at 3:00 AM, but I like the way it turned out, the way I can sing it, you know what I mean?

Thanks for the crit though guys!

Gonna make some fixes

[splashfreak]

Silent screaming!
Rippling hatred down my spine!
Frightened, bleeding!
Would you give the answer?!
Hiding demon!
Break and steal all that is mine!

I don't particularly like this, but thats cuz its hateful and demonic, not because it isn't good. However, "would you give the answer" is crap. Way overused. However, basically everything in the song is overused, you just take every hateful and terrible thing you can say and stick it in here, which works for this type of song. The flow is good so far

Running, hiding, searching for what's real!
Kicking, screaming, trying just to feel!

REALLY cliche here. feel/real is one of the msot used rhymes... ever.

Dark progression!
Feel the hand creep up to my throat!
Hateful, speachless!
Could I give the answer?!
The emptiness!
Take away this mind that's mine!

You don't rhyme this time, you did last time, whats up? I like the last line a little, actually. However, you seem to lose the flow quite a bit here.

Clouded bliss!
Bringing all the reason to me!
The ignorance!
Saving my mind for one more time!

Meh, not bad.

As a whole I don't really like it, but like morrisey said, it works for the genre. 3.5/10 as far as I'm concerned, maybe higher for what you're trying to do.

[I Am Vikingcore]

Yeah I've been meaning to fix the 2 line chorus.