Blindman's Cemetery

[ThePatientFrog]

This one is a song written collaboratively by my band, Leaving Ground. It's open for constructive criticism. Just try not to scold me. If you have to, do so politely.

Blindman's Cemetery
Verse:
From this life of pain
Littered with restrain
Into this world you see
Nothing is what it seems

Into a world that's blind
That hid God from your sight
Or shoved him down your throat
You never had the choice

And when you tried to breathe
They suffocated you
And turned your light to blind
And turned your light to...
Chorus:
Break these chains that hold you from your sight
Break these chains that falcify your life
Break the ones that hide you from the light____

Verse 2:
Life fire in the sky
Your heart will never die
No one could alter you
You'll always be true to yourself
Mid bridge:
This_____is your plight
This_____is your sight
This_____is your cell
This_____is your hell

Egyptian Part:
Welcome to this place
Where the blind resides
Your eyes they tell no tale
Your scars they come alive

End:
I never waked into the forest
I never looked beyond the surface
I never walked through the forest
I never looked beyond the surface

And thats one of the song I am proud of so Im glad I Could share with you

[russdvdsn]

well no ones given this a crit yet,, so i guess i'll start things off,, to be honest i didnt really like this one,, it seemed like alot of your rhymes were forced,, and the repition in the chorus, doesnt seem to,,, flow i guess u could say, and i didnt really see what it was about,, although there are lots of songs that i completly miss the point in,, so maybe its just me,, but,, overall not too bad,, i would give it a 5/10,,, hope i was of some help,, keep writing and good luck!

[PTFROCKS]

not real sure what it's about, but it's not all bad. i didn't see a problem with the flow in the chorus. but in other parts, i would revise as follows:
nothing is what it seems= nothing's what it seems
you'll always be true to yourself= always to yourself be true (cliche, i know, but it seems to flow better IMO)
other than that, try to cut down on some of the repetativeness (is that even a word ??? )
overall 6.5/10

[ThePatientFrog]

It's actually about a dear friend of mine, whose family and relatives tried forcing religion (Chritianity) on him. He is an extremely good-hearted guy, but because of their excessive force and emphasis on religion has caused him to resent it and go into a hermit-like state. It is almost like he lives in a world of his own. But it could be about anyone who has experienced such things. Does it make sense now?