clash of the uniforms.

[burton.and.gas]

melting,
I tell you its melting,
the pride of place that you were given,
you were given it by that guy who wears a unifrom.

sinking,
its definitely sinking,
the pride you recieved,
pride you took from a guy who wears a different uniform.

when those uniforms meet,
evil is produced,
a crash of two uniforms in a battle locked into the beauty,
the beauty which has been murdered.
All in the name of some uniform.

maybe standing here,
in these disreputable clothes,
i have no tie on by the by.
Maybe i too am wearing a uniform.

This uniform sets me apart from you,
it makes me equal to those who arent you,
wether tehy be godo or bad.

My unifrom is no fashion,
no brand,
it is merely clothing,
the mark of the ordinary.

My uniform makes me equal,
equally different and equally similar,
unlike yours mine has no rank,
uniformly equal.

[burton.and.gas]

ok soemoen crit it please no one has but 7 people viewed it woudl some one crit it please?

[the_uber_penguin]

melting,
I tell you its melting,
the pride of place that you were given,
you were given it by that guy who wears a unifrom.

Catchy start. I've got a very grungy hard-soft dynamic in my head.

sinking,
its definitely sinking,
the pride you recieved,
pride you took from a guy who wears a different uniform.

Second verse. I like the way it follows from the first, replacing sinking for melting, and the last line mentioning pride and uniform. It's a very potent technique.

when those uniforms meet,
evil is produced,
a crash of two uniforms in a battle locked into the beauty,
the beauty which has been murdered.
All in the name of some uniform.

The change in style keeps the song moving. The imagery, as with the two verses is very good. I like the the way this covers so many topics in so few words.

maybe standing here,
in these disreputable clothes,
i have no tie on by the by.
Maybe i too am wearing a uniform.

Very well written. This stanza, like the last suggests more to come and keeps this moving, by the element of doubt in the last line.

This uniform sets me apart from you,
it makes me equal to those who arent you,
wether tehy be godo or bad.

This stanza isn't as good as the rest. It doesn't fit in with the morals implied in the rest of the song, which seems to say uniform is bad and doesn't define people, but here you seem to be saying that it defines you.

My unifrom is no fashion,
no brand,
it is merely clothing,
the mark of the ordinary.

This stanza is much better. It goes back the idea that uniform doesn't define people, people define their uniform.

My uniform makes me equal,
equally different and equally similar,
unlike yours mine has no rank,
uniformly equal.

This one wraps up the song very nicely. I think you need to change the word "makes" in the first line, though.

[burton.and.gas]

well thanx for that very detailed review and crit. you seemed to like the song aswell whihc is always a plus. anyway thank you any one else?

[morrissey]

Ok.. I'm not going to so much critique the lyrics as the idea. I think that you have an excellent idea; this is one thing that I notice about almost all of your songs. You have a great, for the most part original, topic. Lyrically, you don't present it as well as I would like. But this is fine, because I can accept that when it is put to music, it comes alive and works well.

You have an inherent simplicity to your songs. In the past I may have criticized this, in fact I am sure that I have. But I am starting to realize that, for the exception of a few bands that I listen to (the Smiths, Brand New, TBS and others), the lyrics really are nothing special. It is often the music that I like, the melody of the vocals. If the lyrics happen to be clever, witty or beautiful, that is an added bonus. I can't commend you for writing lyrics that touch me, because honestly, they don't. But I will give you points for making accessible, understandable lyrics that are probably fun to listen to.

Overall 7/10

[burton.and.gas]

o great thanx for your post its very constructive. everyone notices the simplicity, perhaps its cos im soo blunt.