Poem - enlist this pain

[DrunkenPirate]

forgotten feeling, forgotton pains
for this alter is not what it seems
seven trees fluster wildly as
the sacret scarlet ribbon hangs round your neck

[morrissey]

Not too shabs. Except for the lines 1 through 3.

This doesn't exactly merit being called a poem though... you really need to expand on it. BTW, in the second line, do you mean "altar"... otherwise, it doesn't make sense.

And in the fourth line, "secret"?

Actually, even the fourth line isn't any good upon re-reading it.

This song should walk the plank (get it? pirate... walk... the... never mind...)... and you should go back to the drawing board.

But if this is your first song, then good job. :wave:

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

*points to title and looks at morrissey*

[morrissey]

I dont even know WTF you are talking about.

[morrissey]

Hijack time? I think so... j/k.. I won't ruin your thread Peter Pan. (get it... another pirate joke... Captain Hook... and...never...no? nevermind)

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

Not too shabs. Except for the lines 1 through 3.

This doesn't exactly merit being called a poem though... you really need to expand on it. BTW, in the second line, do you mean "altar"... otherwise, it doesn't make sense.

And in the fourth line, "secret"?

Actually, even the fourth line isn't any good upon re-reading it.

This song should walk the plank (get it? pirate... walk... the... never mind...)... and you should go back to the drawing board.

But if this is your first song, then good job. :wave:

*repeats previous action*

[morrissey]

You know, you really are an asshat, APS. Do you actually think that I think about what I write?? Seriously??

But I was just trying to add a nice comment, because if you get past the fancy words I was using (:rolleyes: ) I think Jack Sparrow's POEM was worthy of a 0.1 at best.

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

now you get it

[morrissey]

in the words of zep: "its an... ahem... poem..."*



*NOTE: not actually exact words of zep

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

its an... ahem... poem...

now it is his words :evil:

[morrissey]

touché