I Cry

[InMe]

Heres some more of my new lyrics, please feel free to give your opinons on them. Thank you.

I Cry
If i could look down on this untidy soul
I could see its all gone wrong
Perfectly capable of understanding my role
But something lately just grinded down on this pattern
Complicated and thoughless on a demolished wrecked

Im in a stage that ive never seen before
To be missing you so much
Putting pressure on my eyes just to let one tear go
With the queue waiting on more to be released

I can sit and stay here with you
I just want to get to know my dream
Levels marked high but i measure down low
Inspirations stay the same
Just to wait around with you or to do your deeds
I just want to be with you

Im in a stage that ive never seen before
To be missing you so much
Putting pressure on my eyes just to let one tear go
With the queue waiting on more to be released

I want to stay at the front with you
Just to run away from it all
Travel the clouds and read the sky
Try to find that reason why i lay here

Im in a stage that ive never seen before
To be missing you so much
Putting pressure on my eyes just to let one tear go
With the queue waiting on more to be released
Just to cry for tonight
Whilst i wait for the morning
And i cry
With this time in slow motion
I cry

[InMe]

anyone?

[blueeyedirishguitarguy]

Ok...I'm going to try a good crit on this one....

If i could look down on this untidy soul
I could see its all gone wrong
Perfectly capable of understanding my role
But something lately just grinded down on this pattern
Complicated and thoughless on a demolished wrecked

I like the thought behind the words but they seem choppy. Maybe if you added another line it would finish the verse. I feel when I read it that it is incomplete. I can really feel the emotions in the words tho.....3/5

Im in a stage that ive never seen before
To be missing you so much
Putting pressure on my eyes just to let one tear go
With the queue waiting on more to be released

I really like this. It really pulls the emotions together. I love imagery in lyrics. It is by far my favorite literary tool and I use it quite frequently. "Putting pressure on my eyes just to let one tear go, with the queue waiting on more to be realeased"...that is very clever. Keep this just the way it is...5/5.

I can sit and stay here with you
I just want to get to know my dream
Levels marked high but i measure down low
Inspirations stay the same
Just to wait around with you or to do your deeds
I just want to be with you

I am a little unclear on the message you are trying to put forward in this verse. You start and it sounds like you are in a good state of things then you seem to drop off and then it seems as though you are unhappy. I like the wording, I just don't know if this all fits together. It seems like it is a couple verses put into one. The first 2 lines go well together but then I'm not seeing the connection between 1/2 and 3/4. 3/4 go well with 4/5 tho. So maybe this is just they way that you wanted the verse to go. Not to sure about that tho.....4/5.

I want to stay at the front with you
Just to run away from it all
Travel the clouds and read the sky
Try to find that reason why i lay here

This is a very good bridge to the ending of your song. I'm thinking maybe you just speak this instead of sing....maybe I'm wrong but that's what it seems to me. Once again I really like the imagery. "Travel the clouds and read the sky"....I really like that line...I find it to be my favorite in this piece....5/5.

Im in a stage that ive never seen before
To be missing you so much
Putting pressure on my eyes just to let one tear go
With the queue waiting on more to be released
Just to cry for tonight
Whilst i wait for the morning
And i cry
With this time in slow motion
I cry

This is a very good ending. I like the way you extended the chorus to make for a more dramatic ending. You have a good talent with words. This part seems to bring it all together and really finish the piece. I am very impressed....5/5

This is the first piece...i think...that I've crited of yours...but I will definitly look for more in the future. Like I said....maybe one extra line in the first verse would help to tie it together.....mabye not....I'm not sure how this sounds when read properly so it might sound perfectly normal.....overall....8/10

[sexycakes]

cry cry cry WHAAAAAAAAAAA come back to me my girlfriend, u broke my heart, blah blah blah. u used some big words but ruined it w/ the crying part.

[InMe]

Thank you blueeyedirishguitarguy for critting it. I thought your comments were really kool, thanks :)

sexycakes thanks for replying to, it isnt about a girlfriend. Part of it is about a girl but its also about just looking at my life and seeing how its gone so far.