guitarmaniattic
11-14-2004, 12:56 AM
This is quite long but I would like it if you would read through the whole thing and give your input. :D
The darkness came over me. I lay cold and rigid,almost corpse like. To be un-noticed, that was all. Yes, to be un-noticed. It came upon me, so fast as to not let me see it, but enough to startle me. In my heart I new that it was over. It's icy breathe fell to my face. As this occured, my neck on the left side went numb. I blacked out, only for a minute or two. Or so it seemed. It was dawn when I awoke. As I went to get cleaned up I noticed, in the mirror, that I was bleeding profucely from the neck. Being weak at the site of blood, I became nauseas. As quickly as I could, not wanting to get blood on my hands, I dressed the wound and vigorously washed the violet-black stains off my shirt. I knew at once that I was not alone in the house. Not with another human life form, that is. I dreampt uneasy the next few nights. Haunting nightmares of the icy breathe flooded my mind. I awoke suddenly one night due to my nightmares. I grabbed the lantern, opened the shutter, and, in the corner of my room, out of the corner of my eye, I could see the form of a little old man. Though when I turned to look at him, nothing but my cane was there. I tried my hardest to forget the incident, but could scarcely sleep, for my mind had added the old man to the nightmares. The next day, after many a cup of coffee, I decided to have the house blessed. I found the nearest church and asked for the preist to come and sight my house. He did as he was requested, and was granted right to bless. He came on the ninth day of the month. With nothing but a bottle of holy water and the Holy Bible, he began. Starting with the attic, he worked his way down the halls, slowly sprinkling holy water. As he passed by my bedroom, the holy water steamed as it hit the floor. He pulled a Holy Bible out of his waist bag and began to read psalms. The candles flickered as he continued reading. One of them tipped, and as it being my house, I made it a point to keep it from flaring. The preist continued, louder than before. Three hours passed. Five hours. Suddenly the candles went down not quite to a flame, but to a glow. The room shown of an eerie orange tinge, then resided to a more normal shade. The preist, obviously tired and worn, found his way to the door, grabbed his over coat and hat, and departed, with no words to exchange or even a good bye.
Please critique this and put your info into it. I would highly appreciate it.Thanks a million!
The darkness came over me. I lay cold and rigid,almost corpse like. To be un-noticed, that was all. Yes, to be un-noticed. It came upon me, so fast as to not let me see it, but enough to startle me. In my heart I new that it was over. It's icy breathe fell to my face. As this occured, my neck on the left side went numb. I blacked out, only for a minute or two. Or so it seemed. It was dawn when I awoke. As I went to get cleaned up I noticed, in the mirror, that I was bleeding profucely from the neck. Being weak at the site of blood, I became nauseas. As quickly as I could, not wanting to get blood on my hands, I dressed the wound and vigorously washed the violet-black stains off my shirt. I knew at once that I was not alone in the house. Not with another human life form, that is. I dreampt uneasy the next few nights. Haunting nightmares of the icy breathe flooded my mind. I awoke suddenly one night due to my nightmares. I grabbed the lantern, opened the shutter, and, in the corner of my room, out of the corner of my eye, I could see the form of a little old man. Though when I turned to look at him, nothing but my cane was there. I tried my hardest to forget the incident, but could scarcely sleep, for my mind had added the old man to the nightmares. The next day, after many a cup of coffee, I decided to have the house blessed. I found the nearest church and asked for the preist to come and sight my house. He did as he was requested, and was granted right to bless. He came on the ninth day of the month. With nothing but a bottle of holy water and the Holy Bible, he began. Starting with the attic, he worked his way down the halls, slowly sprinkling holy water. As he passed by my bedroom, the holy water steamed as it hit the floor. He pulled a Holy Bible out of his waist bag and began to read psalms. The candles flickered as he continued reading. One of them tipped, and as it being my house, I made it a point to keep it from flaring. The preist continued, louder than before. Three hours passed. Five hours. Suddenly the candles went down not quite to a flame, but to a glow. The room shown of an eerie orange tinge, then resided to a more normal shade. The preist, obviously tired and worn, found his way to the door, grabbed his over coat and hat, and departed, with no words to exchange or even a good bye.
Please critique this and put your info into it. I would highly appreciate it.Thanks a million!