thanks to you **crits wanted! tell me what u think!!**

[rockstarbassistgrl]

dont worry about me
im already here
waiting on things
that im not so sure
will get off the ground

exageration is too
exagerated
and being dramatic
is shunned from the spotlight
so dont worry about me

chorus:
so hows your life?
am i being too subtle?
are the days too long without me there?
i finally know how it feels to care
thanks to you
thanks to you
thanks to you

its pointless to know
how we feel right now
its pointless to show
recognition
when we both know were livin
in superstition

chorus

im tempted to ask you
but i know that
i shouldnt
so i wont
and i dont
know where i am

ill pretend everythings normal
everythings alright
its always the same
sincerely, always,
ill sign my name
but i wont write back
this time

chorus-fade to end

[morrissey]

am i being too subtle?

Thank you for asking. Unfortunately, no. This song is too direct, and thus boring to read. There is no mysterious, no ambiguousness to the lyrics... a straight forward, cliched song.

I'm not being harsh, I find I write the same thing it at least 50% (being very generous) of the posts.

Time for the old suggestion list:

a. Try to get "below the surface" with your topic. I am no expert on this by far, but suggestions would be using metaphors, imagery, symbolism etc. to convey a deeper meaning.

b. Read other members' work on these forums. Notice the good/bad aspects of their work, and then read the comments. You can learn to understand what works really well in a piece, and what really doesn't work.

c. Go to some lyrics site, randomly click a lyric (artist/song doesn't matter) and just read their stuff. You can learn tricks etc. to see what really works :)

d. No matter what, keep writing. When you look back on these lyrics a year from now, you might laugh, but it is all about progression :thumb:

No overall mark today, just keep having fun, as long as you like the lyrics, that's all that matters.. not if some bored person on the internet (me) likes your song or not :thumb: