"the passing" - do critique. :)

[inbliss]

romance has gone to bed;
she's not awoken yet.
the cornerstone of ignorance,
remains firmly in her grip.

romance has gone to bed;
slumber came in as you left.

night fell on our heads;
though left unsaid, without consent,
dawn never came back again.
she's lost her shine, in her own eyes;
and mine.

-

it's still quite incomplete, but while i'm writing new songs i prefer to post my progress and see how people dig it. do tell me how you like it.

-casey

[Far From Invisible]

I really like what you have. What kind of music do you listen to? Seems very emo/alternative/post hardcore maybe? hah.

[Far From Invisible]

Forgot to give a rating, 7/10. (sorry just wanted to post again, so I can start my own thread sooner)

[inbliss]

i listen to everything that makes me feel something. honestly, i have a hard time naming a few bands i listen to, there's too many that i absolutely love and am inspired by. but thanks, i appreciate it.

[morrissey]

Wow are you a new writer?? This is a very good start, especially if you are a new writer. Good work, I liked it. Definitely finish it up :)

[espf-250htd06]

what youve got so far is awesome i know it takes a while to write a song as in depth as this but dont stop now the first part is awesome to bad i didnt think of it

8.9/10 on what youve got so far

lay a crit on a venerable man i would appercaite it cya

[inbliss]

i'm definitely not a new writer. i've been on the forums for a few years, under the name of 'amped.' i really appreciate the replies, i will definitely check out all of your work.

-casey

[morrissey]

oh ok, that makes sense. Good work still.

[Burningwater]

Looked really good to me, it was kinda short, but it doesn't have to be long.
It's very poetic and doesn't seem to follow a rhyme scheme, I'm glad that you concentrated on the art of it.
I also like how "romance has gone to bed" comes back a second time. It gives it a nice feel.
9/10

When you get a chance, take a look at Void of Fear, it would be much appreciated.

[inbliss]

it does read very poetically, structure-wise. but truthfully, i don't see how you see no rhyme scheme, it fits rather kindly with it's music. thank you very much for your replies, i do appreciate it. i've actually realized though, that i don't like the way the final line fits into the song, so i am changing it.