Simply Sweet - please crit

[SethMcBride]

Simply Sweet

Verse 1
Oh talking that way
And walking like that
Makes me wanna say
I want you so bad

Cause I'm into you enough
That I wanna see you now
I'm not tryin'a make this tough
But I want you to be around

And don't think I'm crazy
Cause it ain't that way
But I'd like to say you amaze me
With every word you say

Verse 2
We're still young
I don't want any trama
All I want is fun
Cause I hate teenage drama

We'll laugh about much
Cause we all cry enough
We'll do exciting stuff
Cause boring lives suck

No worries on your head
No cares on your mind
Let them all slip and slide
And you'll be doing just fine

Bridge
Oh just looking at you
Makes me so glad
All the things that you do
They never make me mad

I'd walk the earth
Just to hold your hand
And I'd work so hard
So I could be your man

So lets do this thing
Oh lets make it happen
Lets get together
And we'll have people clappin'

Chorus
So simply sweet
The way you move your feet
Oh I wish I could
Just meet you in your sleep
So simply sweet
The way you move your feet
Oh I wish I could
Be with you when you sleep

[BlastFunk03]

sounds kind of like an ataris song. if put to the proper melody it has potential, and i like how it doesn't take itself too seriously

[morrissey]

sounds like alot of stuff you would hear on the radio, really generic and cliched. It looks like you are a new writer, everyone starts somewhere... I am getting really tired of typing the same thing in many posts, so if you are truly interested in some advice I suggest you check out some of my other posts (through my user profile)...

As for specific stuff, there are alot of forced rhymes, lack of imagery, generic theme etc. etc.

Overall 4/10, but, ya I would suggest checking out some other posts for advice... Hope that helps :)