foolish ways plz crit i'll crit back

[natta]

Foolish ways

She’s by herself
She’s in the dark
All alone
With a broken heart
I said it would last forever
What can I do to make it better?

As I sit at home
Thinkin about
All the things im gonna
Miss out on yeah
And that I could have avoided this
All I want is one more kiss

She packs her things
She’s movin out
I scream to her
We can work it out
She drives down the road and round the bend
I tell myself our love will never end

Chorus
I can’t stand one night
Without you beside me
Why can’t we go back now?
To what we use to be yeah

What can I say
To make it alright
Without it ending
In another fight
Maybe if I’d listened to you
I would wake up alone
But knowing that I’ve lost you
That’s what hurt the most

Chorus
I can’t stand one night
Without you beside me
Why can’t we go back now?
To what we use to be yeah
They say time heals all wounds
Can it fix my foolish ways?
What did I do to lose you?
Tell me what did I say

[The_One]

I have no clue. But rhyme schemes don't appeal to me anymore.

Sounds like something you'd hear on the radio.

[AVIATOR]

Not bad put I must say, But unfortunately it really doesn't appeal to me, seems to be a bit too many cliches in there to my liking, sorry. For what it is, it's decent! Keep writing!

[KCsilvertone]

welcome to the Backstreet boys minds.....total boy band song

[sketchyjoe]

It flows well but it needs a more regular structure to work properly as a song. The rhyme scheme also needs tightening up and the subject just doesn't do it for me. IT's just a bit too messy for me. 5/10




Please crit http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=263581

[morrissey]

Even though it is written with "she", it sounds like a girl singing it... really whiny etc. Doesn't really appeal to my tastes. I agree with the other posters, am too lazy to reiterate their comments so I leave you with this...

[espf-250htd06]

i assume this is one of your first songs it sounds like one of my eariler ones keep writing

she drives away--been used 172,918,729,187,291 times

to make a good boy girl song you gota go deeper more specfic topic to general

thats all i know to tell you song isnt really any good i would suggest a total re-write

4/10

check out my song venerable man and leave me a crit and if you wana see a better love type song check out cant see me through the wall by my self you should be able to find it on the first 10 pages or somthing cya

[morrissey]

she drives away--been used 172,918,729,187,291 times



Close, but I believe the exact number is 172,918,729,187,292

Good try though :lol:

/will shut up now

[guitarmaniattic]

I thought it was ok. It could use a little bit of help on the flow of your sentences. But everything else is just fine. 8.5/10