teenybopper (please crit!...i need a better name for this...sounds like a pop song)

[xoxtrustno1xox]

my sister and her friend inspired this one...and i wanna make it a good one...has potential, i think

v1
youre just a kid and barely a teen
but you think youre so mature
you live off tips from a teenage magazine
you see yourself as useless and obscure

you consider people like avril to be a great musical composter
and your biggest concern is of that bracelet you wanna borrow
but i see you for what you are you pitiful poser
its sad that youre the future, our tomorrow

chorus:
jr high wannabe in your stylish clothes
begging your mum to let you peirce your nose
teen drama queen, life is so cruel
all you care about is being cool
but all youre known for is the malls shopper
youre nothing but a sad teenybopper

v2
the only people you have are on and off friends
who'd you ditch for the cool kids you follow
you insist on wearing the latest fashion trends
your empty head is truely hollow

you cry about this weeks TRL you missed
and youre all upset because you dont have a boyfriend
and then you complain about never being kissed
you whine and complain without hopes of an end

[SarcasticVirtue]

Heh, your sister inspiried it? Sad.

Good song. But too direct. Most songs hide their meanings behind words, but this could work. Teen Drama Queen is a great rhyme. Heh...

'but all youre known for is wal-marts frequent shopper'
Drop that line please. Either that or change it to something besides Wal-Mart.

'yourself as useless and obscure'
This is purely contradictery to the part about her thinking she's so cool. Don't contradict yourself in your lyrics.

Why does it say 'Post Quick Reply' when it takes me more than one minute to type these? *Sigh*

Nice song though.

P.S. It isn't a chorus if you only say it once.

[session9]

I liked the typo - Avril a "musical composter", very apt! Keep it! Make "poser" into "impostor"! But please find a synonym for teen. There's too much "teen" in there. I appreciate the sentiment - I wrote something in a similar vein a long time ago which I may post here in future - but the execution does need work.

(Frank Zappa wrote "Valley Girl", like, how many years ago? Fer sure! Gag me with a spoon...)

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

haha nice catch session9
rep points for you :)

[morrissey]

Well, despite its take on how bad "wannabe" teens are etc., this song has been done before, it's incredibly "cliched"... sort of like the people you are singing about... interesting, isn't it?

This topic has been done again and again, gets really boring after a while.

Lyrically, its not terrible, but it certainly doesn't stand out compared to other things I have read on these boards.

you whine and complain without hopes of an end
Interesting you wrote this line, because this song doesn't seem to have a very good ending... perhaps this line is an indication that it isn't supposed to end properly, but I wouldn't mind if you wrapped everything up nicely, it doesn't leave you hanging ,but it feels sort of .... incomplete.

There are many minor problems here, but few major ones. It could definitely use some work, but it has some potential...

Just a note on the xoxtustno1's comment... this does strike me as something good charlotte would write... and how mainstream is that? It seems you are complaining about the very thing you are doing yourself... meh, just one opinion though.

In the future I would suggest moving away from this subject, its fine to talk about society, our culture etc., but this particular topic has been done like yesterday's dinner (cheesy, yes...)

Overall 5/10

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

ill be angry if i see you on MTV, ever!

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

woot bassists represent!

[session9]

I dunno, with a list of incompetence like you just gave us, you'd be straight on heavy-rotation on MTV within a week! Have you watched it lately?

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

hey i know blitzkreig bop

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[xoxtrustno1xox]

money would be okay...scratch that, v. needed and AWESOME...but the ideal would to be like hendrix...underground, but well known...one-hit-wonder, but one of the greatest...

[session9]

Funnily enough, I used to play bass in a "dub reggae band" for little while - and I played bass for one of the members of Aswad once not too long ago. I'm more of a 6-stringer myself though, I can't do all that funky slap stuff very well on a bass like the Level 42 guy so I'm not a proper bassist in my view.

[xoxtrustno1xox]

*yawns* now, i sort of wish i hadnt posted this particular song...i have another one that i'd rather have poked and prodded at....

[xoxtrustno1xox]

its okay...it gives me something to do :)

[session9]

Yeah, I kind of got sidetracked there. I think most of what needed to be said about the song has already been done though, so I'll just add - TRL? Way to date a song!

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

both cancelled, looks like someone needs an update! :)
/sarcasm

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

um... im guessing pokemon and degrassi... because its a hunch...?

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

canadians have really ugly kids

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

yeah, but truthfully, those kids are ugly little ****s

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

degrassi kids, and others

[TheWoodenSlug]

...yeah the song's good...

[session9]

John Lydon now presents a wildlife show on TV.

[guitarmaniattic]

8.5/10 Pretty good. I preferably like to name songs with names that don't have any thing to do with the lyrics. So if I wrote this, I would probably name it The Death of the Teen Culture, or something.