hanging from the floor(please crit)

[bwell1762]

I’m stuck in a trans
there’s nowhere to go
can you help me through this
I’m bound to the floor
let me outta here
open the door

chorus: I’ve been hanging from the floor
Open the gate
Help me please
Because the noose decides my fate

I was glad to be sick
it wasn’t that bad
but now you’ve been thrown into the mix
now I wish I were dead

I know you’ve been listening
I’ve seen you look
you said you were sorry
but it was my soul that you took

(Chorus)

[StormX]

trans = trance. It's a platter of roast cliche.

[session9]

Yeah, it's a bit..well...wank, really. I'm not going to crit it because it's beyond help in my view, but it's no worse than many songs that have charted, lyrics-wise.

[morrissey]

Wow, I think this is the 3 or 4th time today I have seen "noose" in a song... is there some kind of a trend going on that I am not aware of?? Nevermind, I'd rather to know.

As Stormx so eloquently put it: "It's a platter of roast cliché." I would elaborate, but ich bin tired or writing the same comments for 90% of the songs I read here. Thus, here is the Coles' notes version:

No-overused rhymes, no- overdone theme, no- complete surface topics, no- cliched phrases

Yes- depth, imagery, symbolism, description
Yes -original topic, or at least an original take on a topic
Yes - straight from the heart, not straight from my radio....

/end scene.