Turn of the tide (Crit's wanted!!!! Please!)

[AVIATOR]

Ok her it is! Please let me know what you think as the song'll be recorded in two weeks!


Verse 1: Standing at the end your spirit’s floating through the air.
Break away the ice, and come into the priestess lair.

Bridge 1: Noone before you has stepped inside this realm,
fill the sails with fire, the devils at the helm.

Verse 2: Please take my hand I’ll lead you to the open road.
Leave the life you led, ’cause you won’t need it anymore.

Bridge 2: Kiss the fangs of pearly white, watch them sinking in.
Venom running through your veins, welcome to my lust domain.

Chorus: Turn of the tide, the gates are open wide.
Won’t you turn the key, solve the endless mystery.
Turn of the tide, nowhere left to hide.
Look me in the eye and let your soul slip away.

Verse 3: Drenched in sweat you realize, nightmares are your friend.
Was it all a dream, will I await you at the end?

Bridge 3: As you rise you wonder will you ever be the same,
you have gone beyond the truth, where the fool meets the sane.

Chorus x 2


Cheers!!!

[morrissey]

on the first look it seems to be about sex or a relationship (or both)... kind of confusing. I am too tired to give a full blown critique... but, uh good job.

[AVIATOR]

Hmm. OK, don't think I had sex in mind when I wrote it, but thanx anyway!

[AshesOfHate]

its preary good

[morrissey]

Hmm. OK, don't think I had sex in mind when I wrote it, but thanx anyway!

bah, isn't everything about sex at the end of the day??

/end attempt at generalizing everything, will shut up now

[AVIATOR]

Yeah, you're probably right! But it is sort of supposed to be about a guy, who has a nightmare that he's dying, (the I person beeing death) and he's not shure wether he's in heaven or hell! Apparently in the end it was all a dream, but it all seemed a bit too real. Make any sense to you?
Cheers!

[morrissey]

Kiss the fangs of pearly white, watch them sinking in.
Venom running through your veins, welcome to my lust domain.
this was sort of the verse I was referring to, but I see the story with the rest of the song.

I just realized that I gave you absolutely no information in my last "critique", I will try to be helpful now.

I'm not a big fan of only having 2 lines per section. I think it would look better with 4, but of course this is only reading. I am sure it sounds fine musically.

It seems kind of short, but again it depends on how you take it musically, so I will leave this alone.

where the fool meets the sane.
this just feels sort of weird. I will have to assume 'the sane' is plural, because singular it would be odd. As for 'the fool', again the singular sounds kind of odd, but since you are talking about 1 guy I suppose it make sense. I just didn't like the sound of it when I first read it, so, uh....

Turn of the tide, nowhere left to hide.
I like the turn of the tide, but the nowhere left to hide is really cliched. Perhaps you could reword it?

Anyways, not a bad song at all, it doesn't feel like something I would listen to (metally sort of thing?) but I liked reading it.

[AVIATOR]

It is metal, yeah. I will try to reword "nowhere left to hide" as it is very cliche indeed! Thanx a lot for a good piece of constructive critique!