(My friend) please crit!!!!

[timbalesgirl]

This is a song that isnt really new. I think Im not really good to do songs that are very metaphoric or, in other words, very good. Maybe this its not the best that I can do but its something that I dont think its too bad (for the things that Ive done). So I guess you still can be harsh (you all always are).

This is it:

My friends

Im trying to find another soul
That feels the same
Cause most of them don’t
Someone to talk
our hearts off
its that my friends
are not real with me
cause they don’t
really feel it

coro:
//where are my friends
when my tears cant get through
where are my friends
when I want to party too
where are my friends
when Im scare of my whole truth//

I wish I had a real friend
But most of them just want to mess
And talk about school stuff
I just really want to shut them off
Why they don’t want to show their soul?

Coro2do:

//Where are my friends
When you cant say a thing
When you want someone
To hear your heart, very deep
Where are your friends
When Im trying to find
The opposite of life
The easy one to find//
-

//Someday Ill find
someone to cry
someone to get
most of the laughs//

but until then
Ill just have
to write my feelings,
they wont wear out
but someday the pages
will be out
So ill need a friend
any day now
Or my life
Will wear out

[thirdeyeblindislit]

Well I do have to say nice try. Again this is how you feel and nobody can really be harsh on you about that. (I'll be your friend if you want.) But I do get the message coming across here. The chorus is just a little weak but nothing that cant be fixed. The verses are so so. I think that you did give it a nice shot though. Wasnt as bad as many I have seen. Plus you do have potiential. Anyway good try. 5.5/10

[timbalesgirl]

thanks! ;)

[morrissey]

Well, I like what you are trying to say here. I really do. Perhaps it is just that your writing style doesn't appeal to me. You are very direct etc., simple. Now this is *not* a bad thing, it just isn't the way that my preferred lyrics are written. I don't like being harsh (it makes me feel mean :upset: ), so I'll just say that I like your topic, the approach, in my opinion, can only be improved with time.

But good effort, and keep posting your songs here, hopefully we will continue to see improvement :thumb:

[sketchyjoe]

You get your message across really well and overall it works. There are some lines which stand out and seem to not fit in with the rest of the song like "when I want to party too". I like the direct nature of the wording and it flows well. The irregular structure needs to be tightened up a bit though. 7.5/10

[timbalesgirl]

thanks ;)