Poems

[Darnok]

Here are two poems I wrote the other day. Just wondering what anyone thinks...

The Explanation

Have you ever felt that you belong?
Because this is something for which I long
I have never felt completely content
A lingering restlessness which is getting ever more potent
I need to find what it is I can do
I feel my time here is almost through
I need to go out and live in some other place
Experience life and find my true face
And if I don't? Well I fear for my mind
I know that you don't understand but we are of a different kind
Always know part of me is always here
But being unhappy is what I most fear
And it's what I've been for some time now
But I've lacked the courage to tell you how
It is that I feel about my life
Overcome by this overwhelming strife
But I have the strength to say
All these things to you today
Perhaps you already know...
I really have to go


Formed With A Tear

Formed with a tear
Expressed in a line
This feeling I'm sure
Is not only mine

There is another
Who feels this way
But she is gone for what
Feels like forever and a day

My Heart? It aches
My Head? It pounds
My Thoughts are running
Around and around

My world feels complete
When she is present
Like someone has given form
To my very essence

This moment feels empty
Because she is not here
and what do I have?
Only that which was formed with a tear...

[timbalesgirl]

The firts one I didnt really understand it, but the secon one I like it. I like the rhymes and the theme, I mean that I can relate to it. Its kinda beautyful... ;)

(please crti my song)

[morrissey]

First song: has been done before a million times, I didn't find anything original in it, and I didn't feel a real connection with it. I would also suggest watching some of the rhymes (belong/long... you rhyme the same word!! come on...).

The second song wasn't terrible, but..meh.
I like the "formed with tear" sort of thing you have going, but alot of your lyrics are plain and bland (yes, those do mean the same thing).

Um, ya... good effort though :thumb: