Tomb of Suffocation

[bassaholica2004]

I've been listening to a lot of early Morbid Angel lately, and I think it shows in this song. Basically, this song is about ascending the throne of Satan. Crit it and I'll crit yours.



A Tomb of Suffocation,
In a land of dark defeat.
Death makes it livings here,
And preys upon the weak.

I am your crucifix,
In a land I call my own.
I create Death here,
As I ascend the Dark Throne.

Death is a shadow,
Of all who fear me.
Even Death fears the call,
Of what I am to be.

Black hood draped,
I hear their summonings.
A new age has dawned,
To bring about suffering.

I rid the world,
Of its tainted malformation.
Tormented souls,
Living in isolation.
Psychotic episodes,
Of Blackened Bliss.
Divine exchanges,
Within the abyss.

A Tomb of Mutilation,
In a land of atrophy.
Decay fouls the air above,
And feeds upon the weak.

I am you deity,
In a land that is mine.
I am Hate's Perfection,
I am Death's Design.

Death is a shadow,
What I used to be.
Compared to me Death is heaven,
I feed on humanity.

Black hood draped,
I make my self-immolation.
I am Death Eternal now,
The Tomb of Suffocation.

[morrissey]

You have some really dark lyrics.. they make me sad :upset:

Ya, I guess they work with your genre (I'm guess metal sort of thing), not my type of music, but I can certainly appreciate the value of your lyrics :thumb:

I am you deity,
In a land that is mine.
I am Hate's Perfection,
I am Death's Design.
I really like this section.

Overall good work, you have some really good imagery here, simple enough topic.. but there is some excellent flow here, easy to follow etc.

Overall 8/10

[Sloth]

I like the wording and imagery you use.. I guess that the whole thing... **** that was fast... sorry i can't be more helpful

[bassaholica2004]

No problem. Thanks for the crits. Yeah, this is for my Death Metal band, and I tend to write pretty dark lyrics. I'm working on a WWI song right now though; going back to my olden days.

[bassaholica2004]

Anyone else?

[bassaholica2004]

Only 2 crits? I'm sad.....

[UnderDawg]

It's good, I like it. It just...kinda seems really general, maybe you should add some more specifics to it, I don't know exactly what, but that's what I'd suggest.

BTW-Rate my Quest please

[Burningwater]

It was pretty good, it flowed with a rhyme scheme. I'm not too fond of rhyme schemes, but whatever floats your boat.
The line "I make my self-immolation" seems to me redundant at least two times, maybe three. "Self" is not needed and immolation can sometimes mean to destroy one's self. I suggest you re-word that somehow, even though it sounds good.
8/10

[bassaholica2004]

It was pretty good, it flowed with a rhyme scheme. I'm not too fond of rhyme schemes, but whatever floats your boat.
The line "I make my self-immolation" seems to me redundant at least two times, maybe three. "Self" is not needed and immolation can sometimes mean to destroy one's self. I suggest you re-word that somehow, even though it sounds good.
8/10

Yeah, I had a bit of trouble with that part. I wasn't sure if immolation was a noun or verb, so I used self-immolation just in case. Thanks for the crits.