I Am So Blind

[i am the robots]

Here's the problem I face every day
These feelings always in my way
What the **** is up with my mind
No matter what I do or say
I cannot seem to get away
Why must I be so damn blind

chorus:
Why must I lie
Why can't I just get away
From what is inside
Why must it all be this way
This feeling divine
The mind games you always seem to play
Please let me try
To fix my life today

There's a problem always in my way
There's a feeling I get every day
Why is this all so benign
It seems I cannot end this pain
Like there is nothing out there to gain
So they just take what is mine

chorus

I cannot save my mind
This rage leaves me blind
I try to stop this
I try to just hide
I want this to end
I want to stop this lie
I cannot get away
From what I feel inside

I try
You blame
You smile
And laugh at my pain

NO!

chorus

Your face I see
Staring back at me
"Friends" they seem
Oh so ****ed up to me
I just want to
Get away from them
I wish these ****ing fools
Would let this bullshit end

I try
You blame
You smile
And laugh at my pain

GO!

chorusx2

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You like?

[IOWNU200]

This is alright, most of it seemed pretty weak and not very colorful or vibrant. It didn
't seem very intresting to me. Although structurely it was good, try and add some adjectives here and there and you'll have a good song. Nice work

If you have time could you crit my song, it dosen't have a name

[i am the robots]

Anyone else?!!!!!

As an afterthought... it kinda seems like it could be a song that is all sad and whining. But it is a very agressive song with simple downtuned guitars, yes that part is sad. And the singing is mostly grunting/shoating.

Kinda influenced by Korn.

[session9]

Whining with passion - so, ranting then. I get it.

One thing slightly puzzles me: Who's the "you" in the song? Who's it aimed at?

I see this a lot; people write these song with vague accusations of "not listening", "laughing at my pain" and that kind of thing, and they fail to interest me, because I just imagine they're having a go at their parents because they have to do chores or because they got caught whacking off or something, whereas it might in fact be a lot more intriguing than that.

If the "target" of the song was made a bit more concrete to me, I might be engaged by it more. If it's just going to be one of those "I hate you - yes you in the mirror" songs, then don't bother explaining, I've had more than my fill of those. Otherwise, why not flesh out the character a bit more, rather than leaving it as this abstract dartboard to throw impotent rage at?

Just a short diatribe, sorry, and not even really aimed at you, more at the genre of "abstract angst" songwriting that I loathe - however, I think there's some grain of truth in what I just wrote.

(Then again, I would think that, I'm biased!)

[i am the robots]

it's about my "friends"

[i am the robots]

gonna revise a lil
i like where im going with this one

[donotruninfrontofcars]

I'd give that an 8 out fo 10...I think because I can relate to it. My friends aren't too great. All obsessed with this girl I used to go out with...I wrote a song about her...it's on the threadlist, called "Succubus" but that's beside the point.

Good straightforward portrayal of how you feel.

[i am the robots]

thanks for the crit