where is he?

[burton.and.gas]

he's never decorated,
he's rarely celebrated,
yoe see him standing and working off his trade,
you are living a life he has made!

Chorus:

You dont see him in books,
you dont see him in magazines,
you dont know his ways,
you dont know his name,
so where is he?

he cleans up our dirty work,
he does so without a smirk,
he's only paid to take,
the evil that you make.

(chorus)

SO you may wonder?
who is this hero?
is he a warrior?
or just man among things?
he'll be there,
when the fire bell rings,
let me tell you,
if i may,
he is working man,
in his working day.

[IOWNU200]

i liked it, not many write about a topic such as this. I thought you pulled it off well. My favorite verse would probably be :
he cleans up our dirty work,
he does so without a smirk,
he's only paid to take,
the evil that you make.

I don't know about the chorus it seeems somewhat weak, but if it works then whatever

Nice work, keep it up

And if you could please crit my song, it has no name

[burton.and.gas]

ok kool thank you for your imput. ill crit your song anyone else?

[burton.and.gas]

some one please crit even just one guy or girl crit.

[espf-250htd06]

lol i would crit but who excatly are you talking about the imagery and wording in this poem is awesome

you keep a solid theme all the way through it which is good
no complants really 8/10

check out my song past desires or cant see me through the wall

[Sloth]

dude, this is rad... a rare topic among writers.. very nice.. yeah, just change the chorus a little bit and this will be solid..
great job

[morrissey]

Reminds me of "working class hero" by good old John Lennon. It is a pretty good song, seems to me it could be a folk song, telling a story but it is probably punk :upset:. (let me know)

Overall 6.5/10

[Syncope]

2/10. Sorry.

[drumforyourlife]

hi there... i just finished reading your piece, and i really enjoyed it.

it feels to me like a solid work, and the topic almost reminds me of a garbage man.

seems like an unusual topic for a song, but i think it would sound really good in a folk singer type of way. it's almost ironic, like a bob dylan tune.

the reason i give it a 9 is because i think some of the rhymes were thrown together.

9/10

[burton.and.gas]

Reminds me of "working class hero" by good old John Lennon. It is a pretty good song, seems to me it could be a folk song, telling a story but it is probably punk :upset:. (let me know)

Overall 6.5/10

this song was actually meant to be punk, but i am a Dylan fan so i suppose maybe he influenced me, but much of the poetry and imagery is inspired by a Bad Religon song called the automatic man but it is on a different theme, this song is saying who we need the working classes or the world would not work and upper and middle classes would not survive without the working class. The Bad Religon song from which my ideas were "inspired" (i.e stolen and made to look different) is about conformism. still im glad ppl connected to this song, thanx for you imput if anyone else would like to crit they are welcome. i ma wokring on a naotehr song right nwo caleld endless escapism.

[burton.and.gas]

will someone else crit cos it is betetr than my other one please?

[StormX]

I'm sorry, but I really don't like this song. I don't like songs written like that. The whole theme, and the way its written, I just don't like. Meh, 3/10.

[burton.and.gas]

ok kool

[pskov]

It's cool, I like it. 8/10 :thumb: