First Attempt

[JillyBo]

Okay, this is the first song I've ever written, mostly because I've never had anything much to say but I really wanted to write this song. Please crit it in any way you wish and give me some helpful hints. It's supposed to be a pop-ish type song in the style of oasis, the beatles, stone roses so try and think outside the death metal style. :cool:

I'm not happy with the first paragraph, but here goes:

Meant To Be

Swept away from me
Just like night to day
I can still feel it inside
Why did you go Away and hide?

We had so much to do
So much to say...
So much to be...
I'll see you again one day

So don't look back
Cause you know what you might see
You're on a one way track
You gotta be what you're meant to be
Time stands still
As I think what you are to me
But I guess that's how it's meant to be...
Yeah I guess that's how it's meant to be...

Today will be like tomorrow
With this lonely man drowning himself in sorrow
And it doesn't feel right
It doesn't feel good
Why aren't you here
Like you know that you should?

So don't look back
Cause you know what you might see
You're on a one way track
You gotta be what you're meant to be
Time stands still
As I think what you are to me
But I guess that's how it's meant to be...
Yeah I guess that's how it's meant to be...

[JillyBo]

ur all pish.

[Jezen]

Listen here pal don't come onto the S&L thread, post your first song, and call everyone pish. Pop is mostly frowned upon here. If your not into death, your gonna run into a few obstacles. If you want crits, go and look at other peoples songs and critique theirs first and ask for a return crit.

[JillyBo]

Listen here pal don't come onto the S&L thread, post your first song, and call everyone pish. Pop is mostly frowned upon here. If your not into death, your gonna run into a few obstacles. If you want crits, go and look at other peoples songs and critique theirs first and ask for a return crit.

Don't pal me you fat faced fatso.

[morrissey]

Its interesting that you mentioned it sounded like Oasis, because if you hadn't written that I swear I would have said this reminds me of Oasis :). That may be a bad thing for some, but I am an Oasis fan so...

While this is very good for starting out, I think you will realize when you look back on this piece that it is pretty weak. While it could definitely be catchy if the music is fitting, there is not much here to make me believe that these are good lyrics.

My advice is to keep on writing, and have fun with it. As I mentioned in some posts before, if you write alot, you are certain to have some terrible songs that will never see the light of day, and perhaps some excellent ones that you are really proud of. :)

All of that being said, if I turned on the radio and heard Oasis singing this, it would be my favourite song by tomorrow... :thumb:

Overall 5/10 but considering this is your first piece, 7/10