songwriting at 2am. probably a bad idea.

[hannah]

hi guys. i posted a song a while back and got some helpful feedback. this isn't a complete song by any means...just 2am slightly drunken ramblings about how i feel right now. just got internet in my uni room so thought i'd post again. any kind of feedback would be cool. i am about to start a band, am vocalist and lead/sometimes rhythm guitarist. am pretty good at writing riffs/ melody/ music side of things so any advice on improving lyrics would be much appreciated. thanks.

give me some time
he whispers in my ear
time will tell you your story
but is is what you wanted to hear?

i needed time to think
i think we crossed our wires
i'm the biggest of cowards
you're the best of liars

i cannot keep on living for tomorrow
when tomorrow will outlive me
deny myself of all that i could have
for a promise whispered half asleep
if i could i would ask you again
but i lie next to you and i can barely speak
so i'll give in and let time do the talking
until you decide when tomorrow will be


ugh i just know i'll look at this tomorrow and think wtf were you doing?

[hannah]

hmmm no replies. guess it was a bad idea

[Elfy]

I quite liked it, seem'd calming and yet dark at the same time, there are some minor grammatical errors etc; and i really do suggest devolping it more, it's not as bad as you might think :).

I'd give it 7/10 - As i see potentional in expanding it, as it stands at the moment it's more like 6/10.

Nice work :D

[hannah]

thanks elfy, thats encouraging. i just read the song you posted and i think its awesome. i would crit back but to be honest i really don't feel like i have any right to crit someone elses work when mine is rubbish!

anyone else got any views on this? do you reckon i should work it into a proper song or scrap it like most things i write

any criticism would be much appreciated...



cheers,
hannah

[Elfy]

thanks elfy, thats encouraging. i just read the song you posted and i think its awesome. i would crit back but to be honest i really don't feel like i have any right to crit someone elses work when mine is rubbish!

anyone else got any views on this? do you reckon i should work it into a proper song or scrap it like most things i write

any criticism would be much appreciated...



cheers,
hannah

It's worth turning into a song, just my 2 cents, and could you atleast post a little comment? I really don't mind any critiques aslong as they're what you think and not what you think i'd like to hear.

[timbalesgirl]

hi, I think you've got a lot of talent if you really did it at 2pn drunk. The song its kinda cool, I like how it sounds so normal, yet difficult to understand.

I would love if you crit mine...must be a little stupid for you, 'cause im no professional, but still please do it just for pity.

timbales girl

[hannah]

thank you timbales girl, also v.encouraging. i'll definately check out your song

i think i probably write better at 2pm slightly drunk....am more emotional!

[xKONRADx]

meh, its alright, seems like alot of normal songs. the end is kind of weak though. anyway your name rocks. its the same backwards and forwards.

[Linsey]

its nice. its very emotive... in a strange, simple way.. lol. i cant really explain what i mean. i LOVE this bit!!!!

"i needed time to think
i think we crossed our wires
i'm the biggest of cowards
you're the best of liars"

very nice indeed. :)