The Day the Dog had Died

[Jonace22]

I stumble in,
At 3 O 5, and im thinkin
about climbin stairs to repair,
crowded elevators spare,
cuz it burns way much more in the meantime

I come crashing up,
like I wakeup,
but I wasnt even sleeping at all

that liquor passed through me,
like I was temporary,
and did all it had to do,
came out like St Helen of '82

I open up, my
bedroom door, and I
didnt want to , piss on the floor
but i forgot i had gone commando
And thank god my bedroom door
turned out to be a window

Then my dog walked in
and she looked like she laughed,
but i dont remember,
because i was smashed

and then i had woken up that morning to find out,
my dog had drowned in the pool out back,
but as a matter a fact,
we never had a pool in the first place

[Sloth]

WHAT THE HECK!

HA!
this is crazy.. it sure does capture the night.. ..You've got some pretty cool lines in here (the St. Helens line) and some pretty poor lines (because I was smashed)... That line in particular seemed like you threw it in to say, "Oh by the way, this song's about drinking."
The beginning is also pretty rough.. ..I don't feel a sense of flow when reading this.

overall, it's rather rough.. .. ..but it's fun

[Deathapalooza04]

I like it. I'll give it a full critique if you want, or not.

[Jonace22]

na its not really necesarry. i just wrote it for fun, suffering from some writers block, so i tried to climb the wall of creativity

[Deathapalooza04]

well, just be careful.